Tuesday, December 29, 2009
No, it wasn't my computer that was sick...it's me. I've been feeling really awful since Christmas Eve, and it just got worse every day. Yesterday was the first day I could see my doctor because of the holiday, and I have a really bad sinus infection. I'm now on antibiotics and starting to feel a little better, but I was in no shape yesterday to blog.
I did not even weigh myself yesterday because I was in so much pain and worried about getting in to see the doctor. I have almost no voice, but that will improve after a couple of days of the meds. I was up all night coughing, so I need to try to rest again.
I will have Motivational Monday back just in time for the first Monday of the New Year, and plan on blogging some this week until then. Let's end 2009 on a good note...and 2010 is going to be an awesome year!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Well, I've been running around like a nut trying to get Christmas stuff done...too bad that doesn't burn as many calories as the treadmill! I'm almost done with everything, other than baking pumpkin pies and wrapping the kids' gifts. Everything else is taken care of...the cookies, shopping, cards, and decorating are finished!
I got on the scale this morning and had a good laugh. I lost .2 pounds. Barely a blip on the radar screen...but it's still a loss right before Christmas, and I'll take it! I did have a very wonderful moment yesterday when I put on a pair of pants and a Christmas sweatshirt that did not fit last year; in fact, I couldn't even get them over my body! I wore them yesterday, and they were loose...so I know I'm getting there. I know that I'll have a lot more time to concentrate on weight loss after the holiday, and lay out my plan of attack for the New Year. 2010 is going to be my year!!!
My motivational people this week are Erik and Michele Chopin. Erik won Season 3 of Biggest Loser, and though he has put quite a bit of the weight back on, he is committed to losing it all again and figuring out why he had gained it back so it doesn't happen again. His wife Michele is also on her own weight loss journey, and they are sharing all of this with us at http://erikchopin.com/ . Bob invited Erik to weigh in at the Season 9 Finale...so this way we can follow along with Erik and Michele as we are on our own journeys!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Yesterday, my husband found out that he did not get the job that we were so sure was the one. We've been on this job roller coaster since May and it's been really tough. I know many of you are going through the same type of situation as well, or other problems that must be dealt with. To say we were upset is an understatement.
One thing I did not do this time is run to the cupboard or a fast food joint and start eating. I'm finally realizing that even though it may temporarily numb the pain, in the long run it only causes more pain and heartache. I've had no diet soda at all this week, and I'm drinking plenty of water. Instead of running to the refrigerator, I'm doing extra exercise, talking to friends, writing, or listening to music to calm the stress. I did have a good cry, but once it was over I decided not to dwell on the lost job and move forward with life.
One little bump along the way will not make me fall off of this mountain that God is having me climb. I'm still on my way to the top, and I know He has better things in store for us...we need to stay strong and turn to Him. God is my harness, and He will keep me safe and strong for the climb. He has placed many footholds along my way to help get me to the summit. He just needs me to be resilient and keep on climbing...and that is what I intend to do!
Monday, December 14, 2009
I've always had this fascination with skiing. From the time I was a little girl, I always watched the Winter Olympics and other skiing competitions, wondering what it would be like to fly down a mountain like that. To race against the wind and conquer those hills...I just knew it had to be an amazing feeling!
I never had a ski lesson until about 13 years ago, and only had one. I enjoyed it very much, but we didn't have money to continue, and by the next season I was expecting my son. I haven't been on the slopes since, trying to get back in decent shape before attempting again so I would be less likely to injure myself. My stepbrother and sister-in-law both ski, and her dad is still skiing in his seventies! My husband and I have good friends who live in Park City, Utah and it would be incredible to visit them in winter and ski with them.
I am using my love of skiing as motivation in my weight loss battle. I imagine myself, lean and strong, conquering those mountains...and it keeps me going on my journey. I've come to realize that skiing is like life: Sometimes you have to face strong winds and other dangers to conquer your mountains, but it is worth it when you feel the feeling of accomplishment...and then you can't wait to conquer the next one!
As for my weigh-in this morning, I did register a loss of .6 pounds, which puts me at 193.2. It may not be a giant loss, but it is still a step in the right direction, especially during the holidays. I know one thing I did wrong this week was drinking too much diet soda while I was running Christmas errands and attending my son's school concerts. This week will not be like that!
This week, my motivational person is...YOU!!! Just like I am doing with skiing, picture yourself doing something you've always wanted to do, and conquering your mountains. Focus on those images, and you will go far!!!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Every season on the Biggest Loser, I am inspired by all of the contestants, but of course I always relate to the struggles of the women...being that I'm a wife and mother who needs to take care of herself so she can take care of everyone else. This season, something is different for me.
The person I relate to the most from Season 8 is Danny Cahill. At first I found it strange that my biggest inspiration came from one of the guys this time, but it's all starting to make sense to me now. Danny has gone through so many things that I have: Being a fat kid who lost all of the weight and then gained it back, being on top of the world and having dreams of a music career, and deep faith in God being just some of the reasons. Every time he tells another part of his story, I wind up crying because that is my story. I want to get back to that person I was, who had dreams and went after them, just like Danny. I want to get my family to eat healthier too. Quite a few of the thoughts he has shared so far this season are the same thoughts that have run through my mind.
Now, I have started on that path, being down over 20 pounds and going after my writing dreams, but I know I can do so much more. Danny has lost 201 pounds to date, and is in the Final 3 for next week's finale. Every time I start having those thoughts, I think of Danny and I know I can make my dreams happen, just like he does. Good luck at the finale, Danny! You will always be my inspiration...I am rooting for you all the way!!!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I read a lot of inspirational and motivational books, because they always help me reach further and move closer to my goals. This week I read Ali Vincent's new book, "Believe It, Be It". I have to tell you, this book is amazing. Ali takes us through her journey...starting with her childhood and going all the way through becoming the first female Biggest Loser, and beyond.
I see lot of myself in Ali's story. We didn't have all of the same problems in life to deal with, but there are several similarities in the way we approach things and some of our issues, especially our weight struggles and the determination to make a difference in the world. After reading about Ali's life, I am ready to kick it up a few notches on my own journey.
I'm finding ways to sneak in exercise, where before I wouldn't have even thought of it. Since I am in front of the television recapping dance shows, during commercials I have started getting up to dance or jog in place. Even all of the little extra bits of exercise add up, and get me closer to my goal. I'm planning my meals and snacks out better, so I don't wind up grabbing anything because I'm starving after writing at my computer all day. I am really working on finding healthier ways of doing things, which will get me where I need to go.
I HIGHLY recommend Ali's book. I couldn't put it down, and every page was a revelation to me. You will be inspired and motivated toward your goals...in weight loss and in life!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
This past week was extremely rough for me in terms of exercise. My son was home all week from school sick, and I did fit in some exercise...but no where near the amount I would normally do. I still ate pretty healthy, but I know I did not drink enough water each day. Kind of ironic, since the doctor told me to make sure my son stayed well hydrated. I made sure he got all of the water and fluids he needed...but in worrying about and taking care of him, I neglected to do that for myself!
It was really no surprise when I got on the scale this morning that I did not lose any weight. In fact, I gained .4 pounds. Now, I can't complain...with the way the week went I'm actually happy that I gained less than half a pound. I'm still under 200, and I will just move on from here.
The good news is that my son is feeling better and back at school. We found out that hundreds of kids throughout the district have been out sick, and his case was actually mild compared to most, so I'm thankful for that.
My motivational people this week are the folks at Oxygen Magazine. I am so inspired by the stories, and look forward to trying some of the exercises featured in the magazine. There are so many healthy clean eating tips and so much great advice from everyone involved. You can check them out at www.oxygenmag.com.
Here's to a better week this week for all of us. This week I am picking up the pace and going full force. Let's blast that fat!!!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
There are some days that no matter how positive of a person you are, no matter how hard you try not to venture into the darkness, you still wind up feeling really down. Yesterday was one of those days for me.
15 years ago yesterday, my mom passed away from cancer. Every year when it gets near this anniversary, I tell myself that I'm not going to get into that deep despair. I try to reason that it's been such a long time since she died, and that I can handle it this year. Every year the day comes and I am a mess. I remember holding her hand and talking to her as she slipped away and went to heaven. I think about how upset my dad was that he wasn't in the room when she died...the doctors had expected her to last until the evening, so he ran home to get his insulin that he had forgotten. He got back about 10 minutes after she was gone, and was beside himself. I was the only one with her when she died. One of her nurses, a very sweet nun, told us that there was a reason that it happened that way, but I know my dad still thinks about how he should have been there.
Yesterday was no exception: I was a royal mess. When I posted on my Facebook page about my mom, so many friends were there to help me through the day. Some called me on the phone, and some who live out of state or even in another country messaged me throughout the day and helped me out of my funk. By evening, I was ready to celebrate my mom's life, so I started posting clips of her favorite singer, Tom Jones. The music helped me, and I sang along and thought about my mom. Even more friends helped my celebrate her life, and I am so grateful for all of them.
I also usually wind up pigging out every October 8th. This time, I still wanted to go for a fast food run or gorge on sweets, but I didn't. God's gift of friendship and music helped me get through the day without resorting to a food coma. I am so blessed to have all of my friends, I don't know what I would have done without you yesterday, or any other day for that matter. I love all of you!!! xoxoxo
Monday, October 5, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
It really pays to be a night owl writer sometimes. I knew that Dr. Oz had his own show now, but it airs after midnight here. As I was trying to fall asleep last night, I finally caught an episode...and what an episode! With the help of football great Eddie George and his lovely wife Taj, Dr. Oz is kicking off The Ultimate Health Challenge.
Taj told her story of finally losing her baby weight, and she wants to motivate all of the other moms out there who want to lose theirs as well. Dr. Oz has 2 teams of NFL moms...one team of 10 represents the AFC, the other group represents the NFC. They will be monitored on the show as they lose weight and get healthy.
Dr. Oz gave a list of important health numbers to concentrate on: blood pressure, waist size, cholesterol, body mass index, and weight. Using a couple of the moms as examples, he showed how their numbers were way too high and what could happen because of it. That really opened my eyes to just how important it is to take care of ourselves.
The real A-HA! moment came when he showed what a layer of belly fat looks like in a slender person...then showed the belly fat of an obese person. Not only was it much larger, but also extremely discolored and quite grotesque. Just knowing that I have a layer that looks like that on my inside...well, it made me ill and more determined to get rid of it.
You can take the challenge along with the NFL moms at http://www.doctoroz.com/challenge/dr-ozs-ultimate-health-challenge. Whatever plan you are on now, I really believe this is a great supplement to help us reach our goals. Sometimes it really helps to have the extra push!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
On this day 11 years ago, I gave birth to my incredible son, Shane. As my husband and I celebrate his birthday with him today, I am also reflecting on my journey since becoming a mom.
Back in 1994, I started putting on weight when my mom became ill and then passed away a few months later. I continued to gain while missing her terribly, and finally started to take control of my health again in 1998. Little did I know that when I started on my New Year's resolution, I was already 1 week pregnant!
I actually lost 6 pounds during the first month of 1998, but then the scale refused to budge. I didn't know what was going on. Then when I was late for that time of the month, I began to get a clue. I took the home pregnancy test, and it came up positive. I went a couple of days later to the doctor, who confirmed the exciting news. My husband and I were thrilled!
At my first OB-GYN visit a week later, I discovered that I had already gained back 4 of those pounds that I lost. (I had stopped getting on the scale once I found out I was expecting.) I was 174 at that appointment...and continued to gain as I ate for 2. I gave in to every craving: ice cream, Taco Bell, McDonald's, Oreos, mashed potatoes and gravy from Boston Market. I knew I was getting much bigger, but thought that was good for the baby. At my last appointment before giving birth, I weighed 232 pounds. My husband gained 25 pounds right along with me!
Everything I went through during that time was completely worth it, because I have my wonderful son. I started being more careful with my food choices, and at the 6 week checkup Shane was doing well and I weighed 212 pounds. I was given the green light to exercise again, and it's been a roller coaster ride on the scale ever since. (More on that in another post!)
So...as I celebrate with Shane today, I also celebrate the fact that I am finally on the right path to losing weight and getting healthier. I know it will give me more energy and make me an even better mom, so I am not just doing this for me...I'm doing it for Shane as well.
Happy Birthday Shane...I love you, and I will make you proud!!! xoxoxo
Monday, September 21, 2009
Since last week I only lost a single pound, I was really, really hoping and praying for a much better result this week. I stepped up my exercise, stayed consistent with my water intake, and really watched my food choices. I spent a lot of time gazing at my motivation board, and reading whatever I could to keep me inspired.
As I stepped on my good (?) friend the scale, I was still praying for a great number. We all know how there are weeks that you do everything right, but it doesn't show on the scale. Well...I'm extremely happy to report that I lost 2.6 pounds this week! This brings me oh so close to 200...200.4 to be exact. I'm so close to the 100's that I can smell it. I'm sure I'll be doing a little Samba the day I get there!
My motivational person for this week is Ali Vincent, the first female Biggest Loser. As we watch the new season, let us also think about how much Ali has inpired us and continues to do so. You can keep up with this incredible woman at http://alivincent.com/ . If we believe in ourselves, we can all do it!
Let's all make this week even better than the one before...and blast that fat!!!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Well, I knew I'd had a couple of rough spots this week, since I missed a couple of workouts due to a sinus headache and allergies. I also had cake at my niece's birthday party. I did well otherwise, so I was curious as to what I would see on the scale this morning.
I am now at 203...I lost 1 pound. Normally I'd be a little more bummed about this, but knowing that I didn't get all of my exercise in and I had that cake I'm pretty happy with my results for the week. All I know is I will keep moving in the right direction and push harder now. I'm drinking water as I write this, and planning out my strategy for the week ahead.
I do have some other great news to report: I took my measurements again today, and my waist is 40 1/2"; my hips are 47 3/4". This means I have lost 2 1/2" from my waist since I started, and 2" from my hips. It helps to see that progress...and I'm looking forward to seeing my waist get under 40" very soon!
It was hard for me to pick one motivational person of the week for you after seeing the Dance Your A** Off Reunion, so I'm picking all 12 of the contestants! Go to http://dyao.oxygen.com/ to see everyone's transformations. I'm sure I will feature them individually at some point, but I've learned so much from the whole group that I wanted to give you all of their inspiration.
Now let's all go out there and dance, walk, run...just exercise our a**es off like them, and we all win!!!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
I did not run today in our local Susan G. Komen Race For The Cure. I've been wanting to do it for a few years, but something has always prevented me from participating. I was signed up one year for the walk portion of the race, but wound up with a sinus infection the day before the event, so I did not get to walk. The following year, I knew I would have to work the morning of the race, so I donated to a special part of the race that was called Sleep In For The Cure...if you were not running or walking, this was your category. I was happy to still give my money to the cause, but I've only worn the shirt to sleep in, since I wasn't actually sleeping in on the day of the race: I was at work. I must say, it's quite ironic to only wear a shirt that reads Sleep In For The Cure to bed!
This cause is near and dear to my heart. I lost my mom, cousin, and 2 aunts to breast cancer. As you may have read in some of my earlier posts this summer, I've had 3 surgical biopsies myself on a total of 4 "unusual masses" that showed up on mammogram and ultrasound. Thanks to God...they were all benign, but I still have to watch my body closely, as does my other cousin, because of our strong family history.
Every year, I say I will run the following year, but it hasn't happened yet. This year I couldn't even donate, because my husband got laid off in May and we're having trouble paying the bills. The other thing that has held me back from the race is my weight. I know I need to be in better shape to run this race. I want to make a good showing for my family, and not crumble in a heap on the course because I am not conditioned for it. I also know that by exercise and eating healthy, I am hopefully preventing this disease in my own body.
Today is the day that I make this promise: I will be running in next year's Race For The Cure in Cleveland, Ohio. I am already getting stronger and in better shape, so I am setting this goal for sure. AND...this time, it's not just a promise I am making in my head - now that I've posted it in this blog, it's as if I've signed a contract to run this race. To my mom Helen, cousin Carol, Aunt Jean and Aunt Paula...I love all of you and miss you so much, and I will not let you down!!!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Well, I lost 2 pounds!!! I now weigh 204, and I'm very happy with that. I'm thankful that my celebration on Saturday didn't mess me up on the scale. I know I did not quite get to my goal for Labor Day, but I truly believe that I would not have even been this close without setting that goal. I am making a new set of goals, which I will post tomorrow. I'm down over 9 pounds since starting this blog, so I know I'm on my way to even smaller numbers!
This week my motivational person is Tara Costa from this past season's Biggest Loser. She is amazing, and if you remember she was even able to pull a car! She is still kicking butt and motivating the rest of us to reach our goals. She just launched her new site at http://www.taracosta.com/ in order to reach as many people as she can to inspire them!
Enjoy the holiday, and let's all make this a fantastic week!!! xoxoxo
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I work from my home office, so the only stairs I have to climb are the ones in my house. I decided to take extra trips up and down the stairs when I don't necessarily have to use them. Every day this week, I have gone up and down both sets of stairs several extra times...the ones that lead upstairs to the bedrooms and office, and the ones that lead to our finished basement.
This is a really good thing for me. Every summer, when we go to Huntington Beach here in Cleveland, there are some really killer steps. They are numerous and quite steep. Going down to the beach is not so bad, but coming back up to street level always gets me. I get out of breath and my legs are very shaky...I have to stop and sit down on the closest bench, and it takes me a while to recover. (And at the top of those steps, there is an ice cream stand...doesn't that figure???)
I am determined that by next summer I will not have any problems with those beach steps. I also researched stair climbing, and found that it is actually a sport! You can check out more about that at www.stairclimbingsport.com . You can burn twice as many calories stair climbing than walking...now there's some extra incentive!
I also snuck in some other extra exercise this week...I parked further away at the bank, grocery store, etc. and got more walking in instead of just finding the closest spot. I've also been doing leg lifts in front of the computer. (You're picturing that now, aren't you?) It all adds up, and I will continue to find more ways to fit in little workouts throughout the day.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
I read an awesome blog yesterday from Marissa Jaret Winokur. She is keeping a weight loss blog for People Magazine: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20300257,00.html . In the latest installment she talks about calling in fat, like you would call in sick to work. She mainly focuses on the fact that she took a little vacation, where she didn't count calories, went to the beach and just enjoyed the time with her husband and son. She also skipped writing her blog for a week. This version of calling in fat is something that makes sense to me...Marissa's been working hard, and needed a vacation to just relax and enjoy. We all do that from time to time, whether we are size 2 or higher!
She did also touch on the other way we all call in fat. We skip parties and events because we feel too fat to make an appearance. I can say I have done this, more often than I would even like to admit. Marissa got me thinking about the times I have decided not to go somewhere because I felt like people would be staring at my size or make comments. Sometimes I even skipped an event because I thought I would overindulge on all of the good food that was going to be served there. The problem was, I would always feel depressed that I was missing out on the fun, and then eat junk anyway to make myself feel better. Then I'd have to call in fat to another event, and the cycle continued.
I have decided that I will not call in fat to my life anymore! I will attend those parties and just enjoy myself. I'm learning how to control myself around the food, so that is not a problem now. Life doesn't start once you become a certain size...you are living it NOW!!!
I play tennis, dance, go to the pool or the beach, and do whatever I wish, at the size I am now. As I continue losing weight, the size of my clothes is becoming smaller, but I am going to enjoy and live life no matter what.
So calling in fat to take a little vacation is OK, as long as you get back to business once you come back. But don't skip having fun in life because of your size...go out there and just live!!!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
This week, our mission was to take a favorite comfort food recipe, and give it a healthy makeover...so that when we do indulge, it's not as bad for you!
I made over my favorite New York Cheesecake recipe. Here are the ingredients for the original recipe:
3 Tbsp. Butter
5 packages (8 oz.) cream cheese
1 cup crushed graham crackers
1 cup sour cream
1 can (21 oz.) cherry pie filling
1 cup sugar
1 Tbsp. vanilla extract
3 Tbsp. flour
When these ingredients are processed and baked, one serving (1/16th) of cheesecake is 449 calories and 32 grams of fat. Now, here is the made-over version:
3 Tbsp. reduced calorie butter spread
5 packages (8 oz.) reduced fat cream cheese
1 cup crushed graham crackers
1 cup reduced fat sour cream
1 cup sliced fresh strawberries
1 cup sugar
1 Tbsp. vanilla extract
3 Tbsp. flour
Heat over to 325 degrees. Line 13 by 9 inch pan with foil. Mix crushed graham crackers, 3 Tbsp. of the sugar, and butter spread; press onto bottom of pan. Bake for 10 minutes.
Beat cream cheese, rest of sugar, flour, and vanilla extract until blended. Add sour cream and blend. Add eggs, 1 at a time, mixing on low speed until blended.
Bake for 40 minutes, or until center is almost set. Cool completely. Refrigerate for 4 hours. Use foil to lift cheesecake from pan. Top with fresh strawberries. Makes 16 servings.
In adjusting to reduced fat and lower calorie ingredients, one serving of cheesecake becomes 340 calories and 19 grams of fat. Still not exactly "diet" food...but it definitely won't do as much damage if you indulge, and you shouldn't have this kind of food all the time anyway. I prefer strawberries over cherries to begin with, so I changed the fruit, but any kind of fresh fruit would be great on this cheesecake.
I do also want to add a tip: When I make pumpkin pies for the holidays, I always use the fat free condensed milk instead of the regular kind. I tweak the spices a little, and otherwise follow the normal directions. Everyone always wants me to make my pies...because they like the flavor better. And the pie is a little bit better for all of us!
I'm so glad we had this challenge. I plan to makeover more recipes very soon!!!
Monday, August 24, 2009
It's my ultimate day of truth each week...Monday! Time to reveal the number on the scale from this morning and my measurements, and also what I think I did right or need to improve.
The scale was my first stop this morning (well, after the bathroom!) and I was feeling good about my week. I hoped to see a big number, but also know that any loss is good. I now weigh 205.2, so I lost 1.6 pounds for the week. It's a little better than last Monday, so that's a step in the right direction. Then, I took my measurements, and I lost another 1/4 inch from my waist and slightly more than 1/4 inch from my hips. I love seeing these numbers get smaller!!!
I did really well with my workouts this past week, still hitting the treadmill and the elliptical. I stumbled upon a great deal at Giant Eagle while I was buying groceries...a couple of Jilliam Michaels DVD's for $9.99 each! You'd better believe I snatched those up...they are making room for new releases in their video department, so a lot of workout DVD's and TV series box sets were marked way down. This week I will be trying out those Jillian workouts!
I still did pretty well with my eating plan, but I did have some fast food on Saturday. My son and I were at the pool, and afterward we went to McDonald's. I was starving and got a Big Mac combo...next time I have to think smarter and get one of their salads, and not let the hunger cause me to make bad choices. Otherwise, I ate healthy food, and I did get right back on plan after my Saturday night splurge, so I am happy about that.
My motivational person this week is Julie Hadden, who was on Biggest Loser Season 4. She lost 97 pounds, and I love that she gives God the credit for giving her the strength to change her life. He is the reason any of us find our strength, and she is very open about that. She has a book coming out very soon, which is titled "Fat Chance". If you want to learn more about this amazing woman, she has a web site...www.juliehadden.com .
Here's to an even better week ahead, full of success and learning...I know we can all do this!!!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Multi-talented, love to create
Able to accomplish anything I set my mind to
Radiant and full of passion
Empowered and loving it
Now I have to get the poster board and find the pictures...I'm a magazine freak so I have plenty of them to look through! The idea is to keep the board somewhere we can constantly look at it, so we remind ourselves of our positives. I can't wait to get the board done so I can show it to you!!!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
This post is dedicated to the people I've had in my life who've done rotten things to me, especially in regards to my weight. I used to let you make me feel depressed and think badly of myself...and that usually led to binges (especially on sweets), giving up on exercise, and laying in bed for much longer than I should have. It made me feel self-conscious around not only you, but other people...because I thought they might be thinking the same things about me that you did. I didn't always enjoy myself to the fullest because of this.