There are some days that no matter how positive of a person you are, no matter how hard you try not to venture into the darkness, you still wind up feeling really down. Yesterday was one of those days for me.
15 years ago yesterday, my mom passed away from cancer. Every year when it gets near this anniversary, I tell myself that I'm not going to get into that deep despair. I try to reason that it's been such a long time since she died, and that I can handle it this year. Every year the day comes and I am a mess. I remember holding her hand and talking to her as she slipped away and went to heaven. I think about how upset my dad was that he wasn't in the room when she died...the doctors had expected her to last until the evening, so he ran home to get his insulin that he had forgotten. He got back about 10 minutes after she was gone, and was beside himself. I was the only one with her when she died. One of her nurses, a very sweet nun, told us that there was a reason that it happened that way, but I know my dad still thinks about how he should have been there.
Yesterday was no exception: I was a royal mess. When I posted on my Facebook page about my mom, so many friends were there to help me through the day. Some called me on the phone, and some who live out of state or even in another country messaged me throughout the day and helped me out of my funk. By evening, I was ready to celebrate my mom's life, so I started posting clips of her favorite singer, Tom Jones. The music helped me, and I sang along and thought about my mom. Even more friends helped my celebrate her life, and I am so grateful for all of them.
I also usually wind up pigging out every October 8th. This time, I still wanted to go for a fast food run or gorge on sweets, but I didn't. God's gift of friendship and music helped me get through the day without resorting to a food coma. I am so blessed to have all of my friends, I don't know what I would have done without you yesterday, or any other day for that matter. I love all of you!!! xoxoxo
7 comments:
Beautiful Marie. She would be so proud of you. Thank you for sharing. Anniversaries are the worst. I have the hardest time on the anniversary and my dad's birthday. Equally hard is my birthday when I know I would've heard from him. Also Thanksgiving too because it was his favorite holiday. Grief is hard. I ate too much bad foods that day, but music does help. I now really enjoy it when I hear his favorite music. It keeps their memory alive, so keep it up. Hang in there.
Ahh Marie, my heart is with you in sympathy as well as a fellow blogger who has lost her mother to that horrible disease. Mine was two days after my 40th birthday and we buried her on September 11th 2001 of all the days in the world it could have happened. So I'm with you on the anniversay thing, and completely sympathize with you.
Chin up!
Wow, Sandra...I feel for you so much. And Kris, I know how hard it is for you too. My mom's birthday is this Sunday...she died 3 days before her 61st birthday, so we get hit with it all at once. By the time I get to the 11th, I try to think of the Happy Birthdays we shared with her and all of the good times. xoxoxo
Marie I know exactly how you must have felt Thursday. It's been 9 years since I've lost my dad to cancer and like you: every year I tell myself the same thing but every year it hits me like a truck.
It's strange that your mom died at 61 three days before her birthday.
My dad died at 62 at 2 am on May 18 and I left him 3 hours before that because it was his birthday on May 17. We buried him on May 22, my own birthday. Those still are weird days for me, my mom and my sister.
So it's okay you cry on October 8th because the day we stop crying or thinking about them is the day we have forgotten them and that will never happen.
I'd like to nominate you for an award - please pop over to my blog to pick it up. :o)
Bye for now
Patsy :o)
Wow Fran...and May 18th was my parents' wedding anniversary. On top of that, my stepmom's first husband had passed away on May 17th. My stepbrother's birthday is May 22nd. Wow!
Thank you Patsy! I will come over to your blog and check it out shortly! xoxoxo
That's really a lot of coincedence on those dates Marie.
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