I'm REALLY trying to stay upbeat today.
I'm having a very human experience right now. Over the last couple of days I've done a good job of moving forward even when circumstances threaten to bring me down or stop my progress. My husband's car is at the mechanic's. It had to be towed there on Tuesday, and since then he's had to use my car to get to work, his bowling league, etc. On occasion when this has happened before I've been able to borrow a car for a day to get to appointments. This time that option isn't available, since other people need to use their cars...which I completely understand.
I couldn't go to my cardio class last night. So I popped in "Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred" in order to still get my workout in. I am NOT letting the lack of transportation stop me from my fitness goals. I also couldn't go to Pilates this morning. I really hate missing a session because it makes my body feel so much better. I'm trying out one of the Pilates DVDs that I've had for a while - one that I never felt comfortable doing before, but now that I've had instruction from Janice for a few months, I feel I can do it without hurting myself because I know enough to do it properly. It's still not like having her there to help me adjust, but it's better than doing nothing.
My husband just got home from work a little while ago. He spoke to our mechanic, who is still trying to figure out what's wrong with the car. It's not any of the usual issues so far...meaning the less expensive of the issues and easier to fix. It could still be something somewhat minor, but with the car having trouble for so long he thinks we might need a new engine.
We do not have money for a new engine. And we certainly don't have money for a new car. Both of our cars have been running on prayers for a long time. We've gone without air conditioning for 3 summers with both cars, only fixing what was absolutely necessary because funds are so low. We've been juggling bills for quite a while, paying for the neccessities and whatever would help us get healthy. We are staying focused on priorities.
I'm so thankful my husband has the job he has, because otherwise things would be a lot worse...and he loves where he works. It doesn't pay what the job he had been laid off from before did, but in this economy that seems to be the norm. I'm grateful for what we do have.
I'm also human, and frustrated that I've had trouble getting even a part time job to help out for over 2 years. I even applied for plenty of seasonal positions for the holidays, hoping to at least have a temporary respite from the money stress. No luck there either. So many people are in the same boat...and there are only so many openings available. I've had temporary part time jobs before, to help keep things going while I build my freelance writing career. And I have gotten some freelance work - not enough to be a full income yet, but definitely headed in the right direction. I'm more than willing to work an outside job in addition until I'm well-established. I do sell my handmade jewelry also...but sales are down because so many people don't have the money available either.
I have to state the obvious - this economy stinks, for us and so many other people. I'm having a really down day while doing my best to work through it.
The last time I had a rough day like this, a "friend" turned on me. Even though I am almost always positive, I wasn't allowed to have a bad day even though she was allowed to have them on a regular basis. The first time ever that I mentioned to her that I was a little stressed, she decided she had to re-evaluate our friendship and continually attacked me. This is the person I had to block out of my life. Nothing like someone who demands your support all the time, but the moment you need a little support they won't be there for you...right?
I shouldn't be afraid to be real and admit that I have a bad day sometimes. I always strive to be positive and keep working toward a better life. But like everyone else, I am human. Stress does occasionally get to me even though I fight it and press forward. Sometimes you just have to get things off your chest to feel better. And most people should be able to understand and relate on this journey of life.
I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me, because we all have stressful situations in our lives. I always support and pray for friends about their problems. I do my best to get them to think positively and do their own best.
But there are days I need that support as well. And this is one of them. Would you please say a prayer for my family and I? Prayer really does work wonders, and I would really appreciate it.
In the meantime, I know God is working behind the scenes even though things are tough. I will keep pressing on...but please pray for me!