Friday, May 21, 2010

WHY Did I Stress Eat?

About 3 hours ago, I succumbed to stress eating. I've been so good about not eating my feelings for quite a while now, and thought I had come far enough on my journey that I would be past turning to food under stressful situations. I've been going over this in my head ever since I ate that dang ice cream.
Yesterday, a couple of situations came upon me without warning. One of them I was able to handle pretty well, but the other required more thought and stress to come to a decision. I had 2 events planned for later this summer, one on one weekend and the other on the following weekend. (And I will say, fully aware of the irony, that both events are weight loss related...and I wound up eating over it.) Suddenly I found out that the first event had to be changed to the following weekend, leaving both events happening the same weekend. If I bailed on the first event, I would be disappointing my family and ruining the getaway they were so excited about. (And let me tell you...because of our job/money situation, we haven't had any type of vacation in almost 4 years.) If I cancelled out on the second one, I would have to tell a few people I love and really care about that I would not be able to attend a special function they worked hard to create. I was not looking forward to either choice, but I had to decide quickly so that I could inform the people involved as soon as possible so they could work around it.
I decided that my family came first. I switched the reservation to the new dates, and informed the person in charge of the other event that I wasn't going to be able to come. (To further drive this home...the family event was planned before the other one in the first place.) I told this person the minute I knew, and still feel really awful for having to do this. Now, I did not expect her to be thrilled about this...but I told her why I made my decision the way I did, and my family has to come first. She is still complaining about it, which I do understand to a degree, but I hope she comes to respect my decision. I am loyal...maybe even to a fault. Anything and everything she's ever asked me to do to help, I've been right there to do it. I am so loyal that I'm still really upset about this whole situation, and hate that I had to cancel on really good people.
After some tears last night and this morning, I made a trip to the grocery store. The Ben & Jerry's was on sale, and because I wasn't thinking clearly I fell into old habits and I bought it. I came home and ate not one, but two pints of Vanilla Caramel Fudge. To say I don't feel so good right now is an understatement. I already had a stress headache when I woke up, but now my head AND stomach are suffering. I regretted what I ate right after I ate it. Then I sat and thought about why I did it...because I never want to do it again.
Not only was I still feeling crappy about having to make this decision, but someone I care about and respect is upset with me. She does have a right to be upset about the situation, but the little digs about not being able to trust and being disappointed in me really hurt. This is one situation...I've always been reliable for everything else, and I got put in a tough spot where I had to choose one or the other. How can someone be disappointed in me for being loyal to my family? Why does one sticky situation have to suddenly make me all bad to someone? We all have things come up that we have no control over, where we have to make the best decision...not everyone is going to be pleased, but the decision still has to be made.
What I've finally decided after 3 hours of soul searching on a stomach full of that even though I'm not happy with the situation, sabotaging myself is not the answer. There are more constructive ways to deal with it. And I refuse to let another person make me feel bad about myself, just because I was put on the spot and had to make the best decision for my family and myself. Like Eleanor Roosevelt said...nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. I know God knows why I decided the way I did and is pleased that I stuck by my family.
Just writing this all out makes me feel a little bit better. Now, I should have written this earlier today...and maybe I wouldn't have eaten the ice cream. I chalk it up to another life lesson I had to learn, and I move forward from here. I will think it all through BEFORE I pick up the spoon next time!


Debbie Alferio said...

Don't ever be upset about choosing family over another event or person. They should come first, and you did the right thing. If someone is upset over your choice and are bad mouthing you, then that person really isn't a true friend. As for the stress eating, you simply had a weak moment so don't beat yourself up over it. You have learned from the incident, so you can handle your stress more effectively the next time. You are a wonderful, beautiful lady and don't ever forget it!

WriterMarie said...

Thank you my dear...even though I still hate that I wound up in a position to have to choose, I know I did the right thing. Been drinking lots of water to get all of that sugar out of my system too! And thank you for making me feel better! xoxoxo