Pull Away From The Dock And Set Sail!

Do you ever feel like you just need to retreat from the world? Do you stay in your house and hole up in your room, dreaming and wishing for a better life?

A lot of us do this or have done it in the past, while also possibly filling up on junk food or watching endless television to pass the time so we don't have to think about our feelings. Going into this dream mode on occasion is good for us. Sometimes it leads to figuring out what we want to do with our lives or how to deal with a sticky situation. The problem comes when we do this all the time. If this is what you do day after day, you are only numbing yourself...you are not really living.

I speak from experience. I've had periods of time in my life when I stared at the screen and ate candy or ice cream to make myself feel better. Most of the time I barely tasted the food, I just ate it as fast as I could, trying to fill up an empty hole inside of me. I didn't go out of the house very often to do anything. I felt like I couldn't go out and do certain things until I reached my "dream weight". It took a long time, but I finally discovered that food was not going to fill that hole, and neither was TV. I needed to work through my emotions and figure out what I needed to do to make my life better. I started by being conscious of what I was putting into my mouth, and now when I do decide to have a sweet treat I concentrate on actually tasting and enjoying it. I find that when I'm actually present while eating, I no longer feel the need to go overboard with food because I'm enjoying the portion that I have.

Also, when I do my thinking and dreaming now, I make it a constructive time. During this time I get ideas for my writing and set plans in motion to get things done. It's no longer just wishful thinking...I use my thoughts to propel my life forward instead of just dreaming it away. You do have to stop and think about where you're headed sometimes, but you also have to balance that with actually DOING. And I no longer feel that I have to be a certain weight or size to get out and do stuff. What joy and freedom there is in this!

Here is my advice for anyone who is still out there sitting around and letting life pass them by: Take the time to think through what you want to do with your life. Write down the things you are good at, and also those things that you've always wanted to try but haven't yet. Make a plan around this list, and get out there and try something new. Figure out the first steps that you need to make something happen and then GO DO IT. Get off the couch or out of bed and start actually living. Those first steps will lead to further steps and before you know it, you will be enjoying your life. Just like a ship is not meant to stay tied to the dock, you are not meant to stay attached to your sofa. Unhitch yourself now and set sail on a fulfilling life!

HUGE Goes Larping!!!

How would you like to go larping? What's that? Did you say that you have no idea what that is? I didn't know either...until tonight's episode of Huge. More on that in a minute.

The girls' OVERLY chipper counselor Poppy wakes them up in the morning with a little song...one that I'm sure would be more appreciated by pre-schoolers. For those of you who don't know me personally, I am usually in a positive mood and look on the bright side of things. However, even I would want to wring Poppy's neck if she woke me up that way. All of the sleepy campers meet outside to recite the daily affirmation with Dr. Rand. At this point, Ian is informed that since he is Alistair's friend he needs to tell him how bad his body odor is and that he needs to take a shower. Becca is really into larping and tries to get everyone to go. She talks Will into inviting Ian and Alistair. Will takes a walk with Ian and they wind up talking about a girl that broke his heart. They also discuss Alistair's problem, and Will says if it were her she would want to know. Do you know anyone with a body odor problem? As everyone at the lunch table makes fun of Alistair without him knowing, I think of a family I personally used to know very well, and they all had this problem. People would talk behind their backs, drop hints to them, or even comes right out and tell them they smelled. For all of the time that I knew them, they never did anything about it. I'm not sure if they just didn't care or if they kept doing it to spite the people who said something. What would you do if this were a friend of yours?

Becca, Will, Ian, and Alistair all meet in the woods for larping. LARP stands for Live Action Role Playing, and it's a cross between improvisational theater and game play. Becca comes up with a storyline that she wants to act out, but while the 4 of them are there, 3 kids from the tennis camp show up. Will knows one of them, Brad, from school. She tells Becca later during yoga that he's made her life hell since 8th grade. (Funny, that sounds like someone I knew in 8th grade...who did that to me! I bet you can relate as well!) They all make fun of everyone's weight and wind up chasing them back to Camp Victory. Will feels awful because they ran away, and hatches a plan to get back at them by having everyone at camp come larping with them next time. Becca is glad Will is helping recruit people, but is also starting to feel uneasy that Will is changing the storyline to suit her.

Ian goes to trainer/counselor George to ask advice about confronting Alistair. George says he will deal with it, but then Ian thinks it might be better coming from him. They are both unsure of exactly what to do. In the meantime, Amber and Chloe discuss Trent. Trent always keeps staring at Amber, but Chloe has a huge crush on him. Have you ever been there? You like a guy who doesn't even know you exist, but he's all gaga over another girl. It probably messed with your self-esteem, but this happens all the time. It's nothing personal, even though it feels like it at the time.

Shay talks to Dr. Rand about the upcoming campfire. Shay wants her to tell special capmfire stories like Lorraine, the former camp director, used to do. Dr. Rand is intimidated by everyone telling her how much they loved Lorraine and how much they miss her. You can tell she feels that she doesn't measure up. So Dr. Rand is thin now...but she is still having those self-esteem issues. Back at her cabin, she talks to her dad about it and prints out a story she found on a website. The next day, she sees Becca's larping posters and tells her that the area they are using is off limits to campers. Will says they should still go secretly so they can carry out her plan. Becca isn't too sure about this. Dr. Rand calls the director of the tennis camp and leaves him a message. Later they argue about which camp owns the wooded property. They obviously have both already known each other for a long time...I'm sure we'll find out more about this soon!

In the camp circle, Alistair speaks about losing weight. (No one has talked to him about the body odor yet.) He can't imagine what it would be like to be thin, and he questions if it will really change anything. It's true...we all still have problems to deal with whether we are slender or heavier, but we need to look within ourselves to handle this. Losing weight is for health reasons, and will not magically solve everything in your life overnight.

Will leads everyone out for the larping session, but Becca hides from her and doesn't want to participate now. Amber and Chloe make fun of it, and Becca finally gets mad. She gets her costume on and goes out to the woods. Then Chloe decides she wants to check it out. Finally Amber can't resist her curiosity, and she heads out. On the way she runs into the tennis kids, and they mistake her for another tennis camper. Amber is flattered that they don't look at her as one of the "fat" camp kids, and she plays along to fit in. When they come upon the Camp Victory group, they begin making fun of everyone again, and Amber doesn't know what to do. Becca stand up to them, and the whole group keeps chanting until they walk away. When one of the boys outs her, Amber is also ridiculed by the tennis kids. Dr. Rand finds them and sends them all back to their cabins until the campfire, and Becca is in big trouble. Becca and Will fight about the whole scenario.

Before the campfire, George finally talks to Alistair about the smell situation. Alistair admits that he is embarrassed, because all of the guys shower together. How sweet is George...he takes Alistair over to the showers so he can get clean by himself and stands guard. Dr. Rand tells him to get to the campfire, but he doesn't tell her why he's by the showers because he promised Alistair he wouldn't tell anyone. At the campfire, Amber and Chloe talk. Amber says she's flattered by Trent, but doesn't like him in that way and Chloe should go for it. Chloe goes over to talk to Trent and things seem to be going well. Will is still upset and goes to talk to Becca. Becca says she's always been afraid to speak up because she thought it wouldn't come out right or nobody would listen. She admires Will for being so bold. Do you ever feel afraid to speak up? I used to feel that way all the time, and occasionally still do...but I've really been finding my voice, through my writing and in public. If you feel this way, take a step of faith and stand up for yourself. You will be SO glad you did!

It's finally time for the campfire story. Dr. Rand starts out being very uncomfortable, but then makes a decision. She doesn't tell the story. She passes out the papers to everyone, tells them to rip them up, and pass them around to each other. Then everyone is to raise their white paper as a surrender, to stop attacking other people and themselves. Each camper throws the paper into the fire and says "I surrender" except for Will...she stuffs hers into her pocket.

It is time for all of us to surrender to that pressure that we put on ourselves and each other to be perfect. We are all human, so perfection is not going to happen. We will all be the best we can be, but we will sometimes make mistakes. That's what being human is. Let's all embrace each other, assets and flaws, and support each other!

How Do You Live Huge?

I have a question for you...how do YOU live huge? This does not necessarily mean being "plus sized"...how are you living your live to the fullest, no matter what your circumstances?

I spent the weekend having a blast, having fun with family and friends. We played cornhole at a graduation party, and this is the best I've ever done at it. I didn't feel self-conscious and really got competitive with it. It was so much fun to really let go and live in the moment. That's something I get better at every day...living in the moment without letting other thoughts keep my mind from the present.

Tonight is a new episode of Huge on ABC Family, and I can't wait to see what happens next. I will post about it after the show again, but in the meantime...how do YOU live huge???

Size Does Not Matter -- Neither Does Age! Get Out There And Live!

I am so happy that the new show Huge is getting teens to talk about their feelings and self-images. It's very important to me that the guys and girls that are growing up now get a better handle on these issues than a lot of us did growing up. I can only say that I wish there had been a show like this when I was in high school, because I think I would have found myself a lot sooner and not wasted so much time being so hard on myself.

I also want to address women like me...who were raised in a time when there were not size acceptance groups and the ONLY message being thrown at us was that we were not OK the way we were. We've had years and years of hating our bodies, thinking we were awful people because we weren't size 8 or below, and having people afraid to be our friends or significant others because they felt they they would be ridiculed for loving us the way we are. We've wasted so much time stressing about our bodies that could have been better used helping others and accomplishing our passions and dreams.

I want to tell all of my sisters out there that it is NOT too late...start loving yourself again now, exactly the way you are at this very minute. Enjoy each moment and be present in what you are doing, without obsessing about your size when you should be living what is right in front of you. I enjoy my time with family and friends, and also pursuing other actvities, even more now that I give myself to the moment and fully engage in what is going on around me. No thinking about size or bad hair days, just really letting go and living. Try it...it's quite freeing and you will enjoy life much more!

HUGE Delves Further...What Are Your Feelings?

In tonight's episode of Huge, we get to know the campers a little better...and the counselors as well. As the teens write home, Amber's letter becomes ten pages long. She says it's just she and her mom at home and they are more like sisters. Then we see Dr. Rand and her dad at their cabin. It finally dawns on me that he is the new chef. I didn't make the connection last week, as I was so engrossed in the other aspects of the show. It seems the doc has a hard time letting her mom know that her dad is there with her. I'm sure we'll find out more about their family situation as time goes on, but Dr. Rand keeps writing e-mails to her mom, and then deleting them without sending. Isn't it amazing how our families can do a number on us, even if they don't mean to?

Will takes one of the others' magazines and destroys it, because she hates the way everyone in that magazine is made to look perfect. She puts up her own drawings of full-figured girls and Botticelli-type women. Referring to Amber's pictures, she tells her that these are her "fatspiration". How do you feel about this? I myself used to put up the kind of pictures that Amber did, but now I find myself pulling out photos of realistic looking women and role models of all sizes. I'm not like Will is at this point where she claims she wants to be fatter...I have already incorporated healthy habits into my lifestyle and lost some weight. For me, it's about trying to be the best me that I can, and not trying to live up to the impossible figures that are shown in most magazines. What is your take on the magazine industry, and the images they present?

I cringe when I hear trainer Shay tell everyone that they run faster when they see an ice cream truck. How degrading and demeaning...and what a stereotype. It's also awful when the campers get packages from home and they are searched for any food. I know I would feel like I was in prison instead of camp! Then we meet new camper Danielle...and her entire family. Dr. Rand tells her that they should leave and give Dani some room to adjust to camp, but they continue to follow her around everywhere. Counselor Poppy is still annoyingly perky, but I love how she pulls the girls aside to get them to welcome Dani and include her in their activities. Amber sees Dani's little sister examining herself in the mirror, just the way Amber does. It gets to her, and to me as well. I admit that I still catch myself doing that every once in a while...do you? It's a hard habit to break, that's for sure.

The nice trainer, George, tells everyone that Shay will be teaching basketball and he will be handling circuit training, and they can choose which one they want to do. Amber is first in line for George, which is to be expected since she has such a crush on him. Most of the kids also go over to George, because they're sick of nasty Shay and also afraid of her. I'd be in line for George too. He trains without putting everyone down...that's a REAL trainer! Of course, Shay comes over to choose people to go with her, since they can't all go with George. She also informs George that Amber's name is not Sandra.

Will and Becca talk as they get ready for basketball. Dr. Rand also comes by to get Will to finally write to her parents. Will doesn't want to. Quite ironic that the doc wants Will to get in touch with her parents, but she can't communicate with her own mother. (hmm...) Basketball does not go well, and Trent freaks out almost as much as Shay, since he's really into sports big time. Later on he writes to his mom that without sports he doesn't know who he is. Dr. Rand also tells Dani's parents again that they need to leave, or else Dani will feel that her family thinks that she can't do this. Dani is actually starting to make friends, but clams up when her parents are around. Dani's story hits really close to home for me. I've mentioned before that I was the only child, and my parents were very overprotective of me. They thought they were doing the right thing, but I wound up being so afraid to try things because of it. Dani's parents are doing it out of love as well, but it's too much. Dr. Rand is not forceful enough with them, and they always talk their way into staying. Perhaps they remind her of her mom?

George catches Amber waiting in line to call home. He feels awful for calling her by the wrong name all of this time and wants to apologize. She loses her place in line, so he secretly gives her his cell phone so she can call her mom. It's obvious that her mom is lonely without her and has some of her own issues going on. When Amber goes to give George back his phone, they talk about her mom a little. George is starting to have feelings for Amber too, but seems afraid to show it. Dr. Rand meets her dad in the kitchen where he is experimenting with recipes for healthy muffins. He wants her to try one, but she tells him that she never, ever eats anything after dinner...not even a bite. She takes the muffin back to her cabin and places it by the computer as she tries to e-mail her mom again. She deletes once again, and when she looks over the muffin plate is empty. She ate it without even realizing it...I'm sure she probably doesn't even remember the taste. I think we've all found ourselves there...mindless eating, not really enjoying our food. I know I have, and I try to be more conscious and really enjoy the moment when I'm eating.

Will says she's sick the next day and skips basketball. She comes out of the bathroom to find Dani's mom making the beds. She looks at Will's drawings and says that Will's parents must be proud that she is so talented and creative. Will tells her that her family is not like that, and I hurt for her. She tries to write home, telling her parents that she likes camp but also that they treat her like she's not good enough for them because she's not thin. She tears up the letter, just like Dr. R deletes her e-mails. Dani's family walks Will down to basketball, and Will makes a basket. Dani's parents cheer her and everyone else on, and it's a good feeling for all of them that don't get the support from their families. Dani's parents are really good people...they just have to find that balance between support and overprotection.

Dani suddenly has a breakdown that night...all of her new friends really thought she was doing well. Her parents take her home because she can't handle camp. Of course, if they had stopped hovering around her she might have had a chance to adjust better. The girls are sad to see another friend go so soon...especially Amber, since she had started to bond with Dani just before that. Dr. Rand finally e-mails her mom, but makes no mention of her dad being there with her. Her dad, the chef, sees Will on the basketball court at night practicing, and he gives her pointers. Will is actually enjoying herself!

I love seeing how the characters' walls are starting to break down, and we get to see what makes everyone tick. I know they help me discover more about myself, and I'm guessing that they do the same for you. We all have to look within ourselves to see what makes US tick. Think for a while...what did you learn about yourself while watching the show? I would love for you to share your thoughts. Please share whatever you are comfortable with, but don't hold those other feelings inside. Write them down in a journal or notebook for yourself, to help you understand yourself better. Let me know how you live HUGE!!!

Independence & Peace (With Yourself!)

Yesterday was we celebrated Independence Day for our country and prayed for peace all over the world. Of course this is so important, and I am extremely proud to be an American. God bless all of the troops who sacrifice for us and the leaders who work hard to make the world a better place.

I've also been thinking about the subjects of peace and independence in another way. Do you remember the hymn that goes "Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me"? This is so true. We have to be at peace with ourselves so we can spead that joy and peace among our families, friends, and the rest of the world. Are you at peace with who you are...body, heart, mind, and soul? Keep reminding yourself that you are a wonderful person that has been created by God, and you are a blessing to those around you. You have your unique beauties, talents, and thoughts which are all an important part of life on earth. Always remember that!

You must declare your independence...from trying to fit into a certain image created by society and the media. You know deep down who you are supposed to be. God has always known what He wants for you. He doesn't not want us all to be cookie cutter images of each other, or all do exactly the same things on this earth. Wouldn't the world be boring if we were all like perfect little dolls? The variety God created is much more interesting! You must still take care of the body that God gave you, but He has many purposes for each of us...and they don't all revolve around being a certain size. Pray and follow your heart. This will lead you on the correct path for you.

Remember to tune in to ABC Family tonight at 9 PM for Huge. I will be posting about it a couple of hours after the show, and would love to know your thoughts as the characters move further along in their journeys...and also how this is helping you on your own journey. Live huge!

Summertime...Loving Berries Is Easy

I love being able to have fresh fruit in the summer. My mom's favorites were peaches, nectarines, and cherries. I do like all of those, but what I love the most are strawberries and blueberries. I just picked up some fresh berries yesterday, and they are on sale right now because everyone is making their red, white, and blue 4th of July desserts with them.

I prefer mine with either some Cool Whip on top or mixed into Greek yogurt. Of course they are also great on my cereal, but on the days I'm not indulging in a decadent treat (everything in moderation!) this takes care of my sweet craving. I get plenty of vitamins and other nutrients from the berries, plus it's a lighter dessert...so I don't have to wait as long to go swimming or play tennis after I eat them. The more time to enjoy summer activities, the better!

Remember to take advantage of the season's fresh fruits and vegetables, especially when they're on sale. Berries freeze well too, so you can use them later in smoothies and other desserts. Also take advantage of the beautiful weather to enjoy your favorite sports and activities. Don't let summer pass you by...enjoy every moment you can and love life!