Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Being The Plus-Sized Friend

Over Labor Day Weekend, we had our annual reunion BBQ with my husband's classmates and their families. Even though I didn't go to school with any of them, we've all become close friends over the years. We all accept each other for who we are and appreciate not only what we have in common but also the differences which make each of us unique. It's amazing what we all learn when we get together!

That being said, there is still one thing that always winds up on my mind, no matter how hard I try to push it away. I am the only plus-sized woman at our get-togethers. Nobody ever makes me feel any different, but it is a fact that I'm the thickest female in the room (or on the patio). I have lost weight, but I'm still a long way from my goal and the contrast presented to me in photos hits me hard.

Besides the photos, other little things remind me that I've still got a lot of work to do. Without exception, each of my female friends made some derrogatory comment about themselves and their own figures. Comments about never fitting into a certain size again, wanting flat stomachs back, and supposedly looking like an expectant mom were the ones that came up most often. I jokingly said that I was going to smack all of them. Every single one of them has an awesome figure...figures that right now are a long way from where I am. I would be extremely happy to have any of their shapes.

Now, I do get where they're coming from. Most women who have had kids still long for the bodies they had in high school, and if they were always used to being a size 4 or 6 and now they're a size up from that they feel different and want to go back to that size. The tummies that carried babies are not the same as they were before, but none of my friends look pregnant or fat in any way, shape or form. I also know that when they say these things they're not directed at me - they are only speaking out loud what their own subconcious minds keep telling them. Even though none of them would ever speak this way about me or each other, they do it to themselves...and it does still affect me even if they don't realize it. Even worse, what they say to themselves affects THEM.

I will say that seeing my friends in great shape does motivate me to kick it up an extra notch for myself. I will conquer my demons. I know I can and will move past the "plus-sized friend" feelings that plague me, but I also want all of my friends to know that they should stop being so tough on themselves, appreciate what they have, and realize they are all beautiful right now...just as they are!


Anonymous said...

OMG!!! I am so sorry for making the comment that I looked pregnant! I did NOT even think! Terribly sorry, Marie. I did not mean to offend. Thanks for giving the gentle reminder. We all should just love ourselves and ACCEPT ourselves for who we are.

WriterMarie said...

Ha! I know it was never directed at me...it was just you thinking out loud. And you should stop thinking that anyway because it's not true! xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

It wasn't directed at you AT ALL. That thought never crossed my mind when I said it. I obviously was in my own world, and I'm way too critical of myself anyways, my hub always tells me. So forgive me?

WriterMarie said...

Of course! Part of the reason for the blog was to point out that women are WAY too critical of themselves. The other reason was to see if other plus-sized women notice this going on with their friends. I bet this goes on everywhere because we all put ourselves down too much. xoxoxo

samantha stacia said...

Marie, I really like your blog, especially this last post-being a plus size or back and forth I can relate. I am glad you wrote this. And I also wanted to let you know how impressed I am with your blog because I have NOMINATED YOU FOR THE LIEBSTER AWARD! Visit my site http://samantha-stacia.blogspot.com to accept and find out all about it.

WriterMarie said...

Wow! Thank you Samantha! :o)