This time of the year is always tough for me. From October 8th through the 12th, I think about the events of 18 years ago and how much I miss my mom.
Yes, I miss her often all year long, as there are so many things that remind me of her. Autumn, as it was her favorite time of year complete with her favorite colors - orange and gold. Christmas, when I pull out all of the ornaments that she made and proudly hang them on my tree. Back-to-school time, when she confessed that unlike many other parents, she was sad to see school start because she enjoyed being able to spend so much time over the summer with me.
Whenever I do something creative, I think about all of her great ideas and the many crafts she taught me. Watching Dancing With The Stars, I remember what a wonderful dancer she was and wish she was here to watch the show with me, because I know she would have been just as passionate about it as I am. And of course, I still watch Days of Our Lives, which premiered when my mom was expecting me. Her favorite was Marlena (Deidre Hall), and whenever she appears on screen now I smile and think of Mom. There are just so many ways that she pops into my head...and though some of those moments are still painful I'm glad they happen, because it shows that she's always here with me in spirit.
On October 8th, 1994, my mom died of cancer. And October 11th is her birthday - she passed away three days before she would have turned 61. My dad said he refused to bury her on her birthday, and I absolutely agreed. Her funeral was on the 12th.
So during this period of time every year, I wind up going back to that particular year and remembering. Over time I've tried to think positive thoughts...sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. And that's OK. I am human and I'm going to miss my mom.
I usually wind up eating stuff out of sadness...lots of sweets, foods Mom loved like fish and hushpuppies from Long John Silver's, and other comfort foods. Definitely not good for my health and fitness. So this year I tried to handle things a little differently.
While I still thought about her and missed her, I didn't eat a bunch of fattening foods. Instead, I played some of her favorite music (Tom Jones, Engelbert Humperdinck, Mario Lanza) and thought happy thoughts. And yesterday, for her birthday, I went to spin class and dedicated my ride to her. It was the best ride I've ever had - and there have been some really great ones before. I pushed harder - for her.
I know that Mom is looking down at me and feeling proud that I did something constructive to celebrate her birthday. She wouldn't want me to jeopardize my own health just because she's no longer here on earth.
So here's to you, Mom. You've always been proud of me, but I will do all that is in my power, with God's help, to make you even prouder. I love you always!
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