Join Me in the "Made To Crave" Online Bible Study!

It's time to do this - full out.

I read Lysa TerKeurst's book Made To Crave about two years ago.  It made an impact on me then, as it helped me get in the right frame of mind to lose weight by giving the issue over to God.  I've lost over 30 pounds since then, but something is still off.

I have about 60 - 70 pounds yet to go, and I want to reach my goal.  I've discovered that I still slip into old habits of eating under stress, especially sugary foods.  I don't always remember to ask God for the help I need to get everything under control, especially in the last few months dealing with an unusual schedule - unusual for me, anyway.  In addition to writing, working on getting my first novel published, completing writing assignments while looking for more, and my family's activities, I took on a part-time retail job because we really need the money.  My schedule changes every week, so I'm trying to fit everything in without losing my mind, especially without being able to having a relatively set schedule.  Sometimes I eat at odd hours, at times eating healthy stuff yet also grabbing whatever on occasion (more occasions than I'd like to admit).  I fit in workouts when I can...and I really miss being able to make it to spin classes on a regular basis.  I also miss my Pilates sessions, even though I do some mat work at home.  I've been going through some major bouts of insomnia because of the schedule and the stress.  And the more stressed I become, the more often I hit a drive-thru so I don't have to cook at 10PM, or I grab junk just to get something into my stomach.

It's time for this cycle to STOP.  So when this opportunity to read Made To Crave again, in conjunction with a Proverbs 31 Ministries Bible Study, came up...well, I literally jumped at the chance.  The invitation to participate caused me to get up out of my office chair and thank God.  This is exactly what I need right now, to get me out of this anxious and depressed rut.  Since I read the book the first time without studying the corresponding Bible verses at the same time, I only got partial help from it.  I feel that doing this in its entirety will be just what I need to finally get it together and make all of the necessary changes in my life to get to where God wants me to be. 

If you feel this will help you as well, I invite you to join me and many others in this online Bible study.  You can find out more and sign up here.  Let's make 2014 the year we do everything we need to do to be our best.  I'm excited to start - and hope you'll do it with me!

Fresh Start November!

October has been an extremely challenging month.

All kinds of issues have come up - trying to work around my son's school schedule while working retail, not knowing my work schedule each week until the very last minute (and it STILL being subject to change in the middle of the week), trying to fit everything in that needs to be done, and not being able to sleep from all of the stress, then trying to function each day on very little sleep.  And that's only part of the challenge.

Now that November is here, I've discovered that I gained a couple of pounds back...most likely because I turned to food to deal with stress and I've been so exhausted from insomnia that the workouts I have been able to fit into my schedule wound up being cut short - or not being at full speed as I would have liked.  There has been - and still is - a lot of prayer and tears while trying to figure it all out.  At least I finished the editing on my novel so I can look for a publisher, so something was accomplished during this time!

One thing I do know for sure...something has to give soon.  I refuse to let November go by with no weight loss (or a gain), making me feel even worse than I already do.  Seeing pictures of my self from the last couple of weeks only makes me more depressed...but also motivates me to do better. And I'm still catching up on this week's Biggest Loser - since I had to work and was unable to watch/recap.

So on this 1st day of November, I declare a fresh start.  I will find a way to get all of my workouts in, while being more careful about what I eat, even when I'm stressed.  (which is, by the way, pretty much 24/7!)  I will continue to pray that God leads me in the way I should go so there can be more of a balance in my life.  And I will keep the faith - and hope - alive that things are going to improve as long as I set better goals and carry on.

Please feel free to share your goals for the month with me, as we support each other on the journey of life.  Here's to a better, more successful November!

Weathering Sandy

Unless you live under a rock, you know all about the hurricane/superstorm that was Sandy. It affected many states, including Ohio.  We lost cable/internet for more than 2 days, so I've been catching up on everything since.  I finally have a chance to blog!

I'm thankful we didn't lose electricity, although my husband's work and my spin studio (both on the same street) lost power for 2 days.  Yet I realize that people in New York,New Jersey, and beyond had it a LOT worse than we did.  So many people still need help from the storm, especially since a winter storm followed it about a week later.  I'm thankful it wasn't as bad here as it was there, and praying for those still without power and who lost loved ones and homes.

Even without being able to spin for a little while, I found ways to work out indoors during the bad weather.  And it paid off when I went to my monthly checkup and discovered I lost four more pounds.  It shows that you can get through the stress and unknown, and still come out a winner.  All it takes it a little faith and a lot of prayer!

So Sandy is teaching all of us about life...me included.  What has Sandy taught you?  Feel free to share here!

Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition - Nyla Salsas Through Stress to a New Attitude

Boy, did Nyla ever have a rough year for her transformation. 

Luckily for her, she had Chris there to help...he gave her space when she needed it, pushed her as much as he could, and was there for her no matter what.  He even located her father, whom she had never met.

Chris himself even said that this was one of his toughest transformations, because it seemed to be taking Nyla such a long time to "get it".  She had so many mental and emotional blocks to break through that she still cheated with her food choices and didn't always work out to the best of her ability.  She let finanacial and other stress get to her on a regular basis.  Her fears and low self-confidence got her in trouble many times.  She even almost quit more than once.  But she finally decided that working through all of her issues was better than staying stuck where she was, and that staying in her comfort zone was getting her nowhere.

The biggest breakthough came when Chris got the information about Nyla's father.  Unfortunately he had committed suicide in 2010, but she was able to meet all of her aunts, uncles, and cousins - who all embraced her and told her how much her dad wished he'd had his act together so he could be there for his daughters.  This revelation made her feel less abandoned, because she realized he really loved her even though he wasn't present for her.  She also gained support from an entire set of relatives who were so happy to finally be in her life.

It does sometimes take some of us longer than others to "get it".  We are all unique individuals, so we are not all on the exact same timetable in our lives.  God has a plan for each of us, and He will get us there in His perfect timing.  And that timing may be different for me than you, or for you than your best friend, etc.  We all have issues and stresses in our lives that we have to deal with, and we will not all deal with them in the same way.  (And I can certainly say that from experience!)

Now, of course my favorite part of this episode was Nyla's salsa lesson with Tony Dovolani from Dancing With The Stars.  I couldn't help but smile throughout the whole thing for her. I know all about having a passion for dancing. (and, for me, writing about it!)  Nyla's come a long way from the girl who couldn't even open a dance DVD at home to work out...now she even teaches dance fitness classes!

Nyla still did an amazing job in a year's time...from 435 down to 278 is quite an accomplishment and she should be very proud.  And as she said - this is not just a year long journey, it's a LIFE JOURNEY.  There will be ups and downs, but as long as we always keep going and never give up we will get to where we are supposed to be.  Just keep moving forward!!!

My Own Personal March Madness

March Madness has new meaning for me.

I guess it started as February
Madness, with the new job I'd started in the middle of the month. At first things seemed to be going well...it was a medical billing position with a lot to learn but I was picking up some of it quickly. I was also told that it takes more than two months to really get everything down, so I kept that in mind as I took on my tasks.

As March began, more pressure was put on me to know everything immediately. (Mind you - I'd only been on the job for two weeks at this point.) I was thrown into several tasks that I had not been trained for, and if I asked questions because I wanted to do it right I was met with anger for asking. But if I tried to do it on my own they got angry as well. Over and over, everytime I didn't do it right or asked a question, I was told that if I couldn't get this part of the job down then I wouldn't be able to stay on. (I was also misled as to my job description when I was hired, but I won't get into that now.) When I asked for help so I could learn it properly, I was told to just keep trying by myself and was refused help or additional training.

Needless to say, this all was bound to come to a head. And it did on this past Monday. I don't have the job anymore, and I'm looking for something else to help pay this bills. I believe this is actually a blessing, since the way I was treated gave me panic attacks and I almost threw up a few times at work. My thought is that they decided they didn't need the additional person in the billing department, but instead of telling me that they put pressure on me so I couldn't perform my job. You also can't perform the job if you are not trained properly. It's been a rough week, but I'm finally able to think about it this way...not every job is the right fit for every person. There are good days and rough days no matter where you work, but there are also times when you realize that something didn't work out because it was a bad fit.

I'm thankful for the month's worth of paychecks, and with that I move on. I've already been out and about putting in applications at several retail establishments. That kind of position is more "me", and I'll be able to balance my writing with this type of job. And I have an interview at one of them on Tuesday, so I would appreciate your prayers.

I know God will lead me to the right place, and He's taught me some very important lessons this past month. I appreciate the beautiful weather He provided this week, to go out and apply at other places and help me get back into my fitness routine. Being able to take long walks outside is helping me clear my head and think, along with working the tension out of my body. Plus my editing and revisions are moving along better without the anxiety and pressure playing repeatedly in my head.

I trust God. I have faith in Him. And I know He will provide so I'm operating now from a place of calmness. He doesn't want me to be anxious for anything, but to place my trust in Him. So I will make it through my March Madness and into peace and joy...and I will be a better person for the experience.

Be Mindful - Just Say No to Stress Eating!

First of all, thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers yesterday. I'm happy to report that we heard back from our mechanic today and found out that it's not the engine. It's something that costs only $400 instead of $2000 - and I am VERY thankful for that. We will have our car back tomorrow afternoon, and I'm looking forward to being out and about again. For now, I'm watching the snow falling outside my office window, planning which DVD to work out with tonight (maybe step this time?) and thanking God for allowing us to have a bill that was 1/5 of what we thought it was going to be.

The other happy news, which is what I want to focus on today, is that I did not give in to the myriad of food cravings that wound their way through me yesterday due to the stress.

Every fast food commercial seemed to call my name. Chocolate, and a lot of it, was looking extremely appealing. In the old days I would have let myself give in to those cravings and dive into the grease, salt, and sugar.

Yesterday was different. After allowing myself a short time to cry and feel my emotions, I prayed - more than usual. I practiced my yoga poses, breathed in deeply, and stayed in control. I ate a normal, healthful dinner and drank a sugar free hot chocolate later on to put a halt to the candy cravings.

I think the key was allowing myself to feel the frustration and worry within reason. Giving myself permission to be human, realizing I'm not perfect or a machine, and knowing that it's normal to feel these things was important. And that goes for ALL of us, not just a select few. It's OK to feel those emotions, just not let them get the best of us. Which is where prayer and mindfulness come into play.

I believe God allowed me to feel upset about the possibility of an unimaginable repair bill. This way I learned to bring my broken self to him for help. My strength comes from God. None of us can "do" life on our own. With my prayers, He brought my mind to a place where I could resist unhealthy foods and use better methods to deal with the stress.

It's good to share your emotions with your true friends...God wants us to support and pray for each other on this sometimes crazy life journey. But we all must remember that God is the only One who can deal with all of our stuff. Our friends and family who care about us also have their own stuff to deal with. Their minds are on several things at once, just like ours are - so they can't give us COMPLETE support. Only God can do that.

As hard as yesterday was, God gave me a lesson I won't ever forget. And I'm 100 percent thankful to Him for it.

Working Through a Rough Day

I'm REALLY trying to stay upbeat today.

I'm having a very human experience right now. Over the last couple of days I've done a good job of moving forward even when circumstances threaten to bring me down or stop my progress. My husband's car is at the mechanic's. It had to be towed there on Tuesday, and since then he's had to use my car to get to work, his bowling league, etc. On occasion when this has happened before I've been able to borrow a car for a day to get to appointments. This time that option isn't available, since other people need to use their cars...which I completely understand.

I couldn't go to my cardio class last night. So I popped in "Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred" in order to still get my workout in. I am NOT letting the lack of transportation stop me from my fitness goals. I also couldn't go to Pilates this morning. I really hate missing a session because it makes my body feel so much better. I'm trying out one of the Pilates DVDs that I've had for a while - one that I never felt comfortable doing before, but now that I've had instruction from Janice for a few months, I feel I can do it without hurting myself because I know enough to do it properly. It's still not like having her there to help me adjust, but it's better than doing nothing.

My husband just got home from work a little while ago. He spoke to our mechanic, who is still trying to figure out what's wrong with the car. It's not any of the usual issues so far...meaning the less expensive of the issues and easier to fix. It could still be something somewhat minor, but with the car having trouble for so long he thinks we might need a new engine.

We do not have money for a new engine. And we certainly don't have money for a new car. Both of our cars have been running on prayers for a long time. We've gone without air conditioning for 3 summers with both cars, only fixing what was absolutely necessary because funds are so low. We've been juggling bills for quite a while, paying for the neccessities and whatever would help us get healthy. We are staying focused on priorities.

I'm so thankful my husband has the job he has, because otherwise things would be a lot worse...and he loves where he works. It doesn't pay what the job he had been laid off from before did, but in this economy that seems to be the norm. I'm grateful for what we do have.

I'm also human, and frustrated that I've had trouble getting even a part time job to help out for over 2 years. I even applied for plenty of seasonal positions for the holidays, hoping to at least have a temporary respite from the money stress. No luck there either. So many people are in the same boat...and there are only so many openings available. I've had temporary part time jobs before, to help keep things going while I build my freelance writing career. And I have gotten some freelance work - not enough to be a full income yet, but definitely headed in the right direction. I'm more than willing to work an outside job in addition until I'm well-established. I do sell my handmade jewelry also...but sales are down because so many people don't have the money available either.

I have to state the obvious - this economy stinks, for us and so many other people. I'm having a really down day while doing my best to work through it.

The last time I had a rough day like this, a "friend" turned on me. Even though I am almost always positive, I wasn't allowed to have a bad day even though she was allowed to have them on a regular basis. The first time ever that I mentioned to her that I was a little stressed, she decided she had to re-evaluate our friendship and continually attacked me. This is the person I had to block out of my life. Nothing like someone who demands your support all the time, but the moment you need a little support they won't be there for you...right?

I shouldn't be afraid to be real and admit that I have a bad day sometimes. I always strive to be positive and keep working toward a better life. But like everyone else, I am human. Stress does occasionally get to me even though I fight it and press forward. Sometimes you just have to get things off your chest to feel better. And most people should be able to understand and relate on this journey of life.

I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me, because we all have stressful situations in our lives. I always support and pray for friends about their problems. I do my best to get them to think positively and do their own best.

But there are days I need that support as well. And this is one of them. Would you please say a prayer for my family and I? Prayer really does work wonders, and I would really appreciate it.

In the meantime, I know God is working behind the scenes even though things are tough. I will keep pressing on...but please pray for me!

Finding Inner Bliss

Ahh...bliss.

We all want it. We all search for it. Many of us are confused about where to find it.

As you know by now, I look to God for my bliss. I always feel better when I turn to Him, do my best, and recognize that He is in control.

But there are many times when I'm stressed out and find it hard to slow down and focus...on where I'm going in life, what I need to do, and how to get there without losing my mind. Even though I pray often, my overactive, creative mind sometimes won't let me be still enough to hear the answer.

This is where Inner Bliss comes in. Yes, this is the name of the studio where I took my first yoga class on Saturday evening. When I spin on Mondays, often my instructor John's wife also takes class with us. Kristen is an instructor at Inner Bliss, and she invited me to participate in their annual Yoga Gives Back event on December 3rd, where for the entire day all classes are FREE. I signed up for her Candlelight Slow Flow class and eagerly anticipated giving it a try.

I mapped out the directions, knowing that even though I somewhat knew the area it could still be difficult navigating the twists and turns in the Rocky River/Lakewood area. At this time of year it's already dark in the early evening, which only made it more difficult to find the studio. I noticed the restaurant that was supposed to be right by it, but didn't see any other signs.

I wound up going down Lake Road too far and noticing I was in Lakewood. I needed to turn around and be back in Rocky River, so I got myself re-positioned and headed back. It was still too dark to see anything. I passed the restaurant and turned around again, thinking what a comedy it would be if I had to stop and ask for directions. "Excuse me, I'm looking for Inner Bliss." "I'm trying to find Inner Bliss..." I imagined some smart aleck telling me, "So am I" or "Well, aren't we all?" Luckily I pulled into the parking lot next to the restaurant and discovered that I was in the right place.

I had given myself plenty of time to get there just in case, so I wasn't stressed when I finally walked in. Even if I had been, the warm and inviting atmosphere would have caused it to drift away immediately. I signed in, grabbed a mat and found a spot to get ready.

The first few moves were relatively simple, but as the session went on I discovered that yoga is not quite as easy at it looks when someone else is doing it. I kept up pretty well for the most part, with a few times when I had to just go back into Child's Pose to stay with it and keep my breathing flowing. I'm glad this was a candlelight class, because it felt less intimidating that way. (Although, the ladies on either side of me were very kind...and most people are busy focusing on their own breathing and movement to have time to worry about someone else's.) Kristen and her assistant also came around to correct form and posture often.

I did notice one very important thing during this session. Concentrating on my breathing helped me clear my head and focus. And the various moves were strengthening my legs, arms, and core at the same time. There are similarites to Pilates, yet many differences which make yoga a perfect compliment to my other activities. And I felt absolutely wonderful afterward!

Kristen told me to drink a lot of water that night and the next day...double what I would normally think I'd need. She also hoped that I wouldn't be cussing her out on Sunday, since it was my first time doing yoga and I'd probably be sore.

She needn't have worried. I did have some soreness, but nothing that stopped me from decorating for Christmas, cleaning and doing laundry. I'm sure following her advice helped tremendously. I did cuss out the Browns - but that's an entirely different story.

So I'm now hooked on another form of exercise. (Better than food or other stuff that's bad for you!) I've signed up for the special beginners event in January at the studio, so I can learn it all step by step...and I can't wait.

Here's to all of us finding our Inner Bliss!

Gratitude Is Everything!

I'm sure you've heard the saying, "Attitude is everything". I want to add my own...GRATITUDE is everything.

Gratitude is truly a part of our attitudes, and can help us live better lives. Appreciating what we have makes us happier, and the happier we are the more we will find to be grateful for. It's one of those Catch-22's, but in a good way. This is once cycle that is NOT vicious...and one I actually want to stay in!

My dad got his test results back yesterday. They showed that the growth was cancer, but just superficial. It was non-invasive and they got it all, so he doesn't need any other treatments other than to be checked again in 3 months and regularly after that. Dad told me that he prayed a lot, thanking God for giving him a warning symptom so early on that it was caught before it got any worse. He considers this a wake-up call from Him to take better care of himself. I am also grateful to God for the results. While it would have been nice to hear that it wasn't cancer, for it being cancer this was the best possible scenario and makes me appreciate my dad even more. God works in mysterious ways and for that I praise Him.

I'm also learning ways to relieve stress by being grateful. Sometimes my internet provider runs really slow, and I used to just stew in front of the computer waiting for it to do what it was supposed to. This only stressed me out more. Now I get up and walk away from the computer when this happens...I run up and down the stairs a few times or do some other exercises. I say a prayer of thanks to God for giving me the chance (and reminder) to get up and move instead of just sitting there and letting my muscles get stiff. When I'm having a rough day, more often than not I stop and think about any good things that happened that day to calm myself down. I'm human and still have my moments, but I'm getting so much better at remembering to be thankful for what I have.

I hope you will join me in developing an Attitude of Gratitude. It glorifies God and makes us happier as well. What a wonderful gift to use in this world! Even on the worst of days, there is always something to be grateful for...so give thanks!

Guess What I Found...And Guess What I Lost?

I KNEW I had ordered this before! I've been talking to a couple of friends about Yoga Booty Ballet, and was thinking about purchasing it from them. I put it off until after the holidays, because money is tight...and I could have sworn that I already had it somewhere in my house.

And I do! I decided to brave the "storage" room in the basement...the one where all of the holiday decorations are kept and sometimes things get put when we need to clean up quickly. As it turns out, Yoga Booty Ballet is one of those things that I put in this safe place. It was so "safe" that it was protected from me as well. I went through some boxes and there it was. Now I can start using it, and I'm motivated to clean out the storage room. Who knows what else I've kept "safe" in there!

And as for what I lost: Today was scale day, and I now weigh 213.6. I lost 1.4 pounds this week by turning to God and exercising to relieve stress instead of reaching for the sugar. My body feels a lot better as well. I thank Him everyday for the courage and strength He gives me as I navigate my life journey and work on being healthier in every way.

I am also praising Him for something else...if you've seen my post about Joanne you'll be happy to know she is doing much better now. She still has a long way to go, but she is breathing on her own now and starting to move more. She's made remarkable progress so far, and all glory goes to God. He is working miracles through her and I can't wait to see what other miracles He has in store for His sons and daughters!

Work It Out, Baby!!!

Since this week was really intense in so many ways, I decided to blow off some steam and get silly. I hope you enjoy the above photo of a true superbaby...LOL

I will keep this post brief today, as I run errands and get geared up for another busy fall weekend. I will be selling my jewelry at another craft show tomorrow, have a little more editing to do, and need to plan out my exercise time for the next two days. Thank God that we get to turn our clocks back tomorrow night, so I can catch an extra hour of sleep! ;o)

I just want to remind everyone that two of the best ways to relieve stress are exercise and a sense of humor. So remember to laugh, run, play, and enjoy every moment of your life. Have a wonderful weekend!!!

The Journey...To Handling My Stress!!!

Stress is not a four letter word, but it's still evil. In fact, I like to say that stress started out as a four letter word, but when it wanted to take over the world it expanded to six letters just to make things worse for us. There are actually some good things about stress, because if we never felt any at all we would just sit around and chill all the time...nothing would ever get done. In a way, stress makes the world go round.

But stress to the other extreme is just as bad. When we let it take over our lives, we panic. We discover that we have so many things to do that we give ourselves headaches, stomachaches, and other ailments. Sometimes we just say "forget it" and don't accomplish any of the stuff on our list. We eat, smoke, or drink, to make ourselves feel better...and forget about all of those things that still await us and need to be done. While it's good to take a break every once in a while to recharge our batteries, being in chronic break mode leaves us defeated. More work piles up on top of what we didn't get done yet, making the stack of stress even heavier to carry around.

There are times when it feels like stress is my middle name. I've thought about getting my middle name changed legally to Stress on my birth certificate, but that would cost money that I don't have and only add to my stress. Since I was diagnosed with psoriasis, I have discovered in my research on the subject that there is a strong link between this ailment and stress. I shouldn't have been surprised, but seeing it in black and white still gave me a jolt. The prescriptions that my doctor gave me are really helping, and I can see quite a reduction in the patches on my skin already. If I don't want to keep having recurrences, however, I'm going to need to learn to manage my stress better.

Part of this journey is discovering just how much I worry about things and knowing that I need to give that over to God. Keep working hard, listen for His instructions, and He will do the rest. Since He led me to hunt down my pedometer and start moving more, that has been helping with my stress and led to breakthroughs. I'm now up over 7,500 steps a day and going strong. Having this step goal to concentrate on causes me to think less about what usually makes me worry, and getting more exercise definitely relieves some stress. God is working within me in so many ways, and as long as I remember to take each step with Him, the stress enemy will not win!

Just Another Manic Monday...Or Is It?

If you read my soul searching post from Friday, you know I went off the deep end foodwise because of unexpected stress. You also know that I put on the brakes and thought deeply about what had caused me to turn to sugary food for relief, when I haven't used food that way in months.

Today was Moment of Truth day...what number would I see on the scale after my binge? Even though I got back on track for the rest of the week, I was nervous about weighing myself today. Actually, I was already getting nervous yesterday evening, but I focused on other more postive things to stop from worrying.

I did gain...but only .6 pounds. I am OK with that, and quite relieved that it wasn't more. Now, if I had continued to binge without examining why I was doing it, I would have gained even more. By stopping the downhill slide early, I saved myself from further damage. The situation I described on Friday is still there and not pleasant, but I will not let the stress stop me from reaching my goals. I know I made the right decision, and nobody is going to make me feel badly about myself because the decision did not go the way they wanted it to.

Speaking of focusing on positive things last night...I cried during Celebrity Apprentice. For all Bret Michaels has been through, especially in the last couple of months, he amazes me. He was there for the live finale, looking much better than anyone ever thought he would at this point. Just like during the whole season, people didn't think he had a chance. Well, since he won...I bet they are eating their words. (Would anyone like a little salt and pepper for their crow?) He inspires me to work hard and be my best. If Bret can be a fighter through everything in his life...then I can certainly bounce back from a sugar binge and a few rough spots. Just like Bret, don't count me out...there's more to me than you know, and I am strong!

WHY Did I Stress Eat?

About 3 hours ago, I succumbed to stress eating. I've been so good about not eating my feelings for quite a while now, and thought I had come far enough on my journey that I would be past turning to food under stressful situations. I've been going over this in my head ever since I ate that dang ice cream.

Yesterday, a couple of situations came upon me without warning. One of them I was able to handle pretty well, but the other required more thought and stress to come to a decision. I had 2 events planned for later this summer, one on one weekend and the other on the following weekend. (And I will say, fully aware of the irony, that both events are weight loss related...and I wound up eating over it.) Suddenly I found out that the first event had to be changed to the following weekend, leaving both events happening the same weekend. If I bailed on the first event, I would be disappointing my family and ruining the getaway they were so excited about. (And let me tell you...because of our job/money situation, we haven't had any type of vacation in almost 4 years.) If I cancelled out on the second one, I would have to tell a few people I love and really care about that I would not be able to attend a special function they worked hard to create. I was not looking forward to either choice, but I had to decide quickly so that I could inform the people involved as soon as possible so they could work around it.

I decided that my family came first. I switched the reservation to the new dates, and informed the person in charge of the other event that I wasn't going to be able to come. (To further drive this home...the family event was planned before the other one in the first place.) I told this person the minute I knew, and still feel really awful for having to do this. Now, I did not expect her to be thrilled about this...but I told her why I made my decision the way I did, and my family has to come first. She is still complaining about it, which I do understand to a degree, but I hope she comes to respect my decision. I am loyal...maybe even to a fault. Anything and everything she's ever asked me to do to help, I've been right there to do it. I am so loyal that I'm still really upset about this whole situation, and hate that I had to cancel on really good people.

After some tears last night and this morning, I made a trip to the grocery store. The Ben & Jerry's was on sale, and because I wasn't thinking clearly I fell into old habits and I bought it. I came home and ate not one, but two pints of Vanilla Caramel Fudge. To say I don't feel so good right now is an understatement. I already had a stress headache when I woke up, but now my head AND stomach are suffering. I regretted what I ate right after I ate it. Then I sat and thought about why I did it...because I never want to do it again.

Not only was I still feeling crappy about having to make this decision, but someone I care about and respect is upset with me. She does have a right to be upset about the situation, but the little digs about not being able to trust and being disappointed in me really hurt. This is one situation...I've always been reliable for everything else, and I got put in a tough spot where I had to choose one or the other. How can someone be disappointed in me for being loyal to my family? Why does one sticky situation have to suddenly make me all bad to someone? We all have things come up that we have no control over, where we have to make the best decision...not everyone is going to be pleased, but the decision still has to be made.

What I've finally decided after 3 hours of soul searching on a stomach full of sugar...is that even though I'm not happy with the situation, sabotaging myself is not the answer. There are more constructive ways to deal with it. And I refuse to let another person make me feel bad about myself, just because I was put on the spot and had to make the best decision for my family and myself. Like Eleanor Roosevelt said...nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. I know God knows why I decided the way I did and is pleased that I stuck by my family.

Just writing this all out makes me feel a little bit better. Now, I should have written this earlier today...and maybe I wouldn't have eaten the ice cream. I chalk it up to another life lesson I had to learn, and I move forward from here. I will think it all through BEFORE I pick up the spoon next time!

Motivational Monday...Getting Stronger, Inside and Out!

This past week has been an emotional one for me...stress in all forms kept coming down on me. My husband is waiting to hear back from two different job interviews. I had a misunderstanding with a good friend that I'm in the process of working out, but we are on the right road. I'm busy with writing and editing, which I love, but the other stresses threatened to make me anxious while I wrote.

Thankfully, I was able to focus on the writing after some prayer and quiet time...which in turn helped me deal with the other situations. Writing in any form really helps me handle my feelings and work things out in my mind. Speaking of workouts, I kept up my exercise, which also cleared my mind and helped me see things in a new light. I will say that my eating was pretty good, but not perfect. I did have a few pieces of pizza yesterday while cheering on the Saints. I got on the scale this morning, and I did lose .4 pounds. Maybe not much, but still a loss, and with the week I had I'm proud of that .4!

My motivational person this week is Lisa Lillien, who is better known as Hungry Girl. She has lost 30 pounds and kept it off, and finds ways to make favorite comfort foods healthier. She has written several books and has a website at www.hungry-girl.com. I get her e-mail newletter, which is filled with recipes and tips, plus healthy foods that she has discovered.

I know this week will be a much better one. I've learned a lot about myself and others, which only makes me a stronger person. Yes, I am strengthening my body through exercise and eating well, but my mind, heart, and soul are also getting stronger. This is my own quote for you: "Every person you meet on your life's journey is there for a reason...to lift you up, teach you a lesson, or both." Learn from everyone and everthing in your life...and become stronger from head to toe, inside and out!

More Victories!!!

Every now and then I like to take stock of positive things that are happening on my journey...they keep me going, and lift me up when I'm having a bad day. Here is my latest list of victories:

1. Even more of my clothes that were too tight now fit, with some room to spare!

2. A few of my friends have mentioned that they can tell I've lost weight.

3. My son can hug me even better now!

4. I have had a few people tell me that I inspire them, which is an honor.

5. On the rare occasion that I feel like something sweet, the smallest bite satisfies me...I no longer feel the need to finish off half of the bag or box, or even have "just a tiny bit more".

Don't forget to make your list of victories...they will keep you going when the scale doesn't budge or you miss a workout and need to get back on track. And on stressful days when you would have normally gone to the fast food drive through or the ice cream stand, it will help realize how important it is to stick to your healthy eating plan!