Extreme Weight Loss - Heidi Takes the Lead, Pushing Through PTSD

Normally you see Chris Powell's smiling face and passion for helping people reach their goals every week, but this time is different. It's his wife Heidi who takes the lead in helping Melissa, who reached out to Heidi specifically because she can relate to her as a mom.

Heidi's the one who tells Melissa she is chosen and does most of the work in this year-long journey, but Chris is still there to assist. It's obvious, however, that Melissa chose the right trainer, since Heidi sees more in her than Chris does. Chris does come around, but Heidi is the one who believes in Melissa from the beginning.

Melissa has been through a lot in the past few years.  Her husband Mike came home from serving our country and had a difficult time adjusting after everything he witnessed in Afghanistan.  He had post-traumatic stress disorder, and it took him to such a dark place that he took his own life in an even more horrific fashion than most people who commit suicide do.(I don't even want to write the words to describe what he did...it's too terrifying to even picture.)  This left Melissa to take care of the kids, with one of them also being diagnosed with PTSD.

She had gained over 100 pounds since her husband's death, and when she started this journey with Heidi she weighed 301 pounds.  There were a lot of ups and downs, including Melissa wanting to quit on the first day of boot camp.  But with love and support she persevered.  She even organized a special 10 mile run in honor of her husband, which she finished with flying colors.  It was amazing to see her town (making me proud to be an Ohioan!) lift her up and support her through everything, including the race.

Heidi and Chris planed a vacation halfway through the year in New Zealand for Melissa and her kids, and while they were there Heidi and Melissa jumped from a building - after running the stairs all the way to the top.  I don't think I could have been brave enough to leap off of a building, especially after the run to the top.  But Melissa rocked it!  And so did Heidi...not long after giving birth to her fourth child.  No wonder Melissa looks up to her - she is amazing!

Before the year was up, Melissa had met a man and started dating.  He seems very supportive of her and her family, and just as proud of her as Heidi and Chris are.  Melissa qualified for and had the skin removal surgery, and kept moving toward her goal.

At the final weigh-in, Melissa surpassed her goal of 164, making it to 159 and losing 142 pounds in a year.  Words that Chris said earlier to her (and truer words were never spoken) came back to me - "The more you want something, the more life will test you."

Melissa had been severely tested over and over again, but she wanted to reach her goal so badly that she did what she had to in order to keep going - and she got there, looking gorgeous on the outside but feeling even better on the inside. 

I appreciate how difficult all of this was for her, and she inspires me to get past my fears and struggles to get to my goals.  Thank you Melissa - you, along with Heidi, are now and will always be one of my "She-roes"!

Be Mindful - Just Say No to Stress Eating!

First of all, thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers yesterday. I'm happy to report that we heard back from our mechanic today and found out that it's not the engine. It's something that costs only $400 instead of $2000 - and I am VERY thankful for that. We will have our car back tomorrow afternoon, and I'm looking forward to being out and about again. For now, I'm watching the snow falling outside my office window, planning which DVD to work out with tonight (maybe step this time?) and thanking God for allowing us to have a bill that was 1/5 of what we thought it was going to be.

The other happy news, which is what I want to focus on today, is that I did not give in to the myriad of food cravings that wound their way through me yesterday due to the stress.

Every fast food commercial seemed to call my name. Chocolate, and a lot of it, was looking extremely appealing. In the old days I would have let myself give in to those cravings and dive into the grease, salt, and sugar.

Yesterday was different. After allowing myself a short time to cry and feel my emotions, I prayed - more than usual. I practiced my yoga poses, breathed in deeply, and stayed in control. I ate a normal, healthful dinner and drank a sugar free hot chocolate later on to put a halt to the candy cravings.

I think the key was allowing myself to feel the frustration and worry within reason. Giving myself permission to be human, realizing I'm not perfect or a machine, and knowing that it's normal to feel these things was important. And that goes for ALL of us, not just a select few. It's OK to feel those emotions, just not let them get the best of us. Which is where prayer and mindfulness come into play.

I believe God allowed me to feel upset about the possibility of an unimaginable repair bill. This way I learned to bring my broken self to him for help. My strength comes from God. None of us can "do" life on our own. With my prayers, He brought my mind to a place where I could resist unhealthy foods and use better methods to deal with the stress.

It's good to share your emotions with your true friends...God wants us to support and pray for each other on this sometimes crazy life journey. But we all must remember that God is the only One who can deal with all of our stuff. Our friends and family who care about us also have their own stuff to deal with. Their minds are on several things at once, just like ours are - so they can't give us COMPLETE support. Only God can do that.

As hard as yesterday was, God gave me a lesson I won't ever forget. And I'm 100 percent thankful to Him for it.

Just Another Manic Monday...Or Is It?

If you read my soul searching post from Friday, you know I went off the deep end foodwise because of unexpected stress. You also know that I put on the brakes and thought deeply about what had caused me to turn to sugary food for relief, when I haven't used food that way in months.

Today was Moment of Truth day...what number would I see on the scale after my binge? Even though I got back on track for the rest of the week, I was nervous about weighing myself today. Actually, I was already getting nervous yesterday evening, but I focused on other more postive things to stop from worrying.

I did gain...but only .6 pounds. I am OK with that, and quite relieved that it wasn't more. Now, if I had continued to binge without examining why I was doing it, I would have gained even more. By stopping the downhill slide early, I saved myself from further damage. The situation I described on Friday is still there and not pleasant, but I will not let the stress stop me from reaching my goals. I know I made the right decision, and nobody is going to make me feel badly about myself because the decision did not go the way they wanted it to.

Speaking of focusing on positive things last night...I cried during Celebrity Apprentice. For all Bret Michaels has been through, especially in the last couple of months, he amazes me. He was there for the live finale, looking much better than anyone ever thought he would at this point. Just like during the whole season, people didn't think he had a chance. Well, since he won...I bet they are eating their words. (Would anyone like a little salt and pepper for their crow?) He inspires me to work hard and be my best. If Bret can be a fighter through everything in his life...then I can certainly bounce back from a sugar binge and a few rough spots. Just like Bret, don't count me out...there's more to me than you know, and I am strong!

WHY Did I Stress Eat?

About 3 hours ago, I succumbed to stress eating. I've been so good about not eating my feelings for quite a while now, and thought I had come far enough on my journey that I would be past turning to food under stressful situations. I've been going over this in my head ever since I ate that dang ice cream.

Yesterday, a couple of situations came upon me without warning. One of them I was able to handle pretty well, but the other required more thought and stress to come to a decision. I had 2 events planned for later this summer, one on one weekend and the other on the following weekend. (And I will say, fully aware of the irony, that both events are weight loss related...and I wound up eating over it.) Suddenly I found out that the first event had to be changed to the following weekend, leaving both events happening the same weekend. If I bailed on the first event, I would be disappointing my family and ruining the getaway they were so excited about. (And let me tell you...because of our job/money situation, we haven't had any type of vacation in almost 4 years.) If I cancelled out on the second one, I would have to tell a few people I love and really care about that I would not be able to attend a special function they worked hard to create. I was not looking forward to either choice, but I had to decide quickly so that I could inform the people involved as soon as possible so they could work around it.

I decided that my family came first. I switched the reservation to the new dates, and informed the person in charge of the other event that I wasn't going to be able to come. (To further drive this home...the family event was planned before the other one in the first place.) I told this person the minute I knew, and still feel really awful for having to do this. Now, I did not expect her to be thrilled about this...but I told her why I made my decision the way I did, and my family has to come first. She is still complaining about it, which I do understand to a degree, but I hope she comes to respect my decision. I am loyal...maybe even to a fault. Anything and everything she's ever asked me to do to help, I've been right there to do it. I am so loyal that I'm still really upset about this whole situation, and hate that I had to cancel on really good people.

After some tears last night and this morning, I made a trip to the grocery store. The Ben & Jerry's was on sale, and because I wasn't thinking clearly I fell into old habits and I bought it. I came home and ate not one, but two pints of Vanilla Caramel Fudge. To say I don't feel so good right now is an understatement. I already had a stress headache when I woke up, but now my head AND stomach are suffering. I regretted what I ate right after I ate it. Then I sat and thought about why I did it...because I never want to do it again.

Not only was I still feeling crappy about having to make this decision, but someone I care about and respect is upset with me. She does have a right to be upset about the situation, but the little digs about not being able to trust and being disappointed in me really hurt. This is one situation...I've always been reliable for everything else, and I got put in a tough spot where I had to choose one or the other. How can someone be disappointed in me for being loyal to my family? Why does one sticky situation have to suddenly make me all bad to someone? We all have things come up that we have no control over, where we have to make the best decision...not everyone is going to be pleased, but the decision still has to be made.

What I've finally decided after 3 hours of soul searching on a stomach full of sugar...is that even though I'm not happy with the situation, sabotaging myself is not the answer. There are more constructive ways to deal with it. And I refuse to let another person make me feel bad about myself, just because I was put on the spot and had to make the best decision for my family and myself. Like Eleanor Roosevelt said...nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. I know God knows why I decided the way I did and is pleased that I stuck by my family.

Just writing this all out makes me feel a little bit better. Now, I should have written this earlier today...and maybe I wouldn't have eaten the ice cream. I chalk it up to another life lesson I had to learn, and I move forward from here. I will think it all through BEFORE I pick up the spoon next time!