An Open Letter to Valerie Harper

To all of my blog followers:

I don't usually write in letter format, but felt it necessary in this case.  I hope you find some inspiration in my words to Valerie!


Dear Valerie,

Let me start off by saying that I've been a fan since I was a little girl, loving Rhoda and you as much as my mom did.  We both anticipated Rhoda's big wedding episode, laughing and crying all the way through. Over the years you've always been a class act, and that definitely hasn't changed at all.

When I first heard you had cancer, I cried not only for you but for my mom as well.  She battled breast cancer for 12 years...and in a few days it will be 19 years since God called her home.  I still miss her all the time, and only wish she could have been around to watch Dancing With The Stars.

As you've fought and continue to fight this battle, your positive attitude and determination are an inspiration to me and countless others.  And when you decided to compete on this season of DWTS, I was thrilled for you.  There are some people who didn't understand why you would do the show (or thought you were being exploited) who said idiotic things.  But I get it - and so do a lot of people; there are many more that understand than don't.  For that I am grateful.

We all need to live our lives to the fullest, because we all will be called home someday.  Only God knows when that is for each of us.  He doesn't want us to sit around feeling sorry for ourselves about any challenges we face.  He wants us to LIVE while we are here!

My mom LOVED to dance.  She went dancing six nights a week when she was young, up until the time she married my dad.  They both still danced occasionally, but over time working and raising a family gave them less time for it, and often they only time they got the chance was at a family wedding.  Waltzes, polkas, jitterbug...my mom loved them all.  I also love dance, but never really had much time for it either.  So many things wind up taking time away from doing the things we truly want to do.

Every week on DWTS, I get to see you perform - not just learning and trying to remember all of the steps, but dancing for the PURE JOY of DANCING.  Not letting obstacles keep you from experiencing the joys of life.  Showing the world the wonderful woman you are, and teaching others how to live and enjoy each and every day.

I'm also glad you got the perfect partner for you.  Tristan is also a class act...a caring, compassionate person who can teach you the dances while helping you find the right balance so you can be your best while not injuring your knees further.  I'm as much in awe of you as he is, and watching the two of you interact brings every emotion to the surface.  It's truly a pleasure to witness your partnership - God put you together for a reason. 

Even though I am by nature normally a positive person, there are times I get a little down on myself...thinking that I should have things a lot more together than I do.  That I should be further ahead in my writing career and journey back to fitness, even though I am making progress with both.  Being impatient with my financial situation - even though that is also improving.

But then I think about you.  I'm sure you have your moments because you are human, but overall you stay positive.  You pick yourself up after a setback (like your knee) and press on.  You remember to find the joy in each day, no matter what.  You never stay down - you get up and get stronger.

Ever since I wrote for the former Ballroom Dance Channel website, my urge has only grown stronger to learn ballroom dancing...as much as I can.  My budget does not currently allow for lessons, but I'm staying positive that this will change soon.  In the meantime, I use videos, YouTube, etc., to learn what I can.  I NEED to dance.  Not just to learn the steps, but to experience the pure joy like you do.  To live out my passions.

So as you continue on your DWTS journey, know that I am extremely proud of you and honored to witness your experience.  I also know that my mom is smiling down on you, happy that you've found your way back to dancing again.  I pray that you have many more weeks, months, and years of dancing ahead of you - and thank you for sharing your heart and soul with us!

Love and Best Wishes,

Marie

Spring Power Playlist

We are now further into spring, and even though there are still days that feel like winter there's been much improvement in our Ohio weather.  I am able to get outside more often to walk/run and still do indoor workouts on those other days.

It's been a crazy month and a half, going to so many wakes that I hope and pray there are no more for a LONG time.  I even found out an old friend of mine passed away months ago...from cancer at age 51.  She and I were really close for a long time and then life got in the way.  Needless to say, it was a complete shock that a woman so positive and full of life is gone so soon.  I'm still trying to process this one - almost like I just had a nightmare and it isn't real.  Except...it is.

So I added some power songs to my workout playlist, to lift my spirits and keep moving forward on my journey of faith, fitness, and life.  Annette would be the first to tell me not to wallow in the sadness and just get on with it.  And since she was a fellow Parrothead, of course I included a little Buffett in my list!

Here is my latest playlist:

DONE. - The Band Perry
Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
Live for Today - Natalie Grant
Walk Away - Megan Hilty
Troublemaker - Olly Murs
People Like Us - Kelly Clarkson
Set Fire to the Rain - Adele
I Will Wait - Mumford & Sons
One Particular Harbour - Jimmy Buffett
Boys 'Round Here - Blake Shelton featuring Pistol Annies & Friends
Jump Right In - Zac Brown Band
Lay All Your Love on Me - Amanda Seyfried/Dominic Cooper (Mamma Mia movie soundtrack)


Please share the songs that get you moving as well.  Let's power up this spring and live life to the fullest!

Biggest Loser 13 Challenge - Getting Closer to Finale and Running My Own Race

We're just a little over a week to the Biggest Loser Season 13 Finale.  And while I can't wait to finally see the finale so we can get this season from H-E-Double Hockey Sticks over with, I'm kind of sad that my challenge will be ending.

You see, I enjoy setting these goals for myself.  I don't always reach the exact number that I set at the beginning of a challenge, but I always make progress.  If I didn't set goals at all, I'd either stay stuck or take a step backwards.  Knowing that I challenged myself - and put it out there for the world to see, join in, encourage, judge or whatever they decide to do with it - I try harder.  I put in more effort.  Sometimes I hit the goal, sometimes I just come close.  Either way, I'm still a winner.

So today's weigh-in is another step closer to my goal, with a loss of 1.2 pounds.  Life is a marathon, not a sprint...and sometimes during the road race of life we have to climb steep hills or dodge falling rocks.  Staying in the race is the most important thing - sitting on the sidelines watching other people run is not an option.

You can bet after next week's finale I will set another goal for myself, whether it is connected to Biggest Loser or not.  There is no BL during the summer, and rumor has it that there will be no fall season coming up.  ("Rumour has it she's the one..."  NOW I have Adele playing in my head!)  No matter what is going on the the wild world of reality shows, we can all still reach our own personal goals. 

Please join me here as we all work on becoming the best we can be...any season, any time of year.  ALL THE TIME!

Even In The Darkness, There Is Always Light

Dealing with human emotions, yet trying to stay positive and rising above... I'm sure you know where I'm going with this. You probably struggle with this as well.

If you read my "positive/not perfect" post last week, then you know I've been dealing with a problem relationship that I had to finally let go in order to save my sanity and be who God created me to be. In the meantime, I've lost a couple more friends - at least people I thought were my friends. I thought it might happen since these are people who've known the person I had trouble with for a lot longer than they've known me, and I'm sure their loyalties lie with her. Not only is that understandable, but I also know they're not getting the whole story by only hearing what she tells them. They haven't asked me about the situation so they are only hearing the side of their longtime friend...but I also don't want to drag them into what should be only between me and her. That's not fair to them to have to take sides. And even though it appears they've immediately taken her side, at least I didn't try to make them choose. I can be proud of the fact that I didn't drag other people into it. There may be more fallout to come, but I will stand strong.

Even though I understand what they did, it still stinks - and it still hurts. But one thing I do know is that this is out of my control. I'm not going to beg people for their friendship when it's obvious they didn't value the relationship in the first place. I'm better than that. Once again, this does not mean I'm perfect...far from it. But real friends forgive each other for the occasional bad day or saying something that didn't come across quite the way they meant it. I don't mean those who continally put you down or constantly treat you like you're an idiot for doing what's right for your life if it isn't exactly like their own lives. I'm talking about those who always try to be a real friend but when you occasionally slip up like human beings do, they still support you because they love you. People who claim to be our friends but attack or abandon us without first trying to understand or care are not the kind of friends we need. In fact, that is NOT real friendship - so as much as it hurts, be grateful for the blessings that did come out of the situation and move on.

This is what I've been trying to do for the last few days. This "friend" may think she ruined my holidays (or at least probably hoped she did), but it turns out to be the opposite. In discovering these surface friendships, I appreciate the real ones that much more. Spending time with family and true friends is even sweeter because I can see, hear, and feel the difference with complete clarity. Plus - seeing how NOT to act helps me in turn to be a better friend to others.

God gave me an important gift this Christmas. He gave me the opportunity to see what is real and what is not. He gave me the strength to stand up for myself and stop taking all of the digs and discouragement and move away from that negativity. And He gave me the ability to see what is important in both friendship and life. That can't be wrapped and placed under the tree. Besides, it's such an incredibly large and amazing gift that it can't be contained to a small space. It's the gift that will keep on giving...not only to me but to anyone I can pass it on to. God means for this gift to be shared. His light will permeate through any darkness you may encounter!

This holiday season, may you receive the gift of true friendship and unconditional love from the Father, Son and Holy Spirit - and may you spread that gift far and wide to make the world a better place.

Positive Does Not Mean Perfect - Food For Thought

I've had some rough situations happen in the last few days. I admit these things threw me for a loop for a little while...but I will not let them keep me down.

I won't go into great detail about these, because I don't like to complain to everyone or dwell on negative things. I prefer to move forward, pray, and do what I can to help the situation. But I do want to address one of these things because some of you may have the same problem.

I discovered that someone in my life (a supposed friend) expected me to be perfect. I guess I shouldn't have been that surprised. This person constantly complains and feels she is always right. She does have good qualities as well, so I always bit my tongue so as not to upset her. (Not always easy to do.) I always felt that I was walking around on eggshells to save our friendship...even though it caused me extra stress, I really tried.

The other day I gently tried to let her know that she should be thankful for what she does have and count the blessings in her life. It was an attempt to improve her frame of mind. I certainly thought I was being gentle, as I hate confrontation and avoid it if I can help it. Of course, she still took it the wrong way. I received a scathing message from her going into great detail about my many supposed faults (I do have faults, but this stuff was really exaggerating and petty) and how I'm basically an awful person because I don't do everything in my life exactly the way she does. (Wouldn't the world be boring if we all did everything alike? What works for one person may not be right for another.) I was also told that I was a "fake" because I claim to be a positive person yet dared to get a little upset with her. According to her, my positivity meant that I could never have a bad day or else I was fake. (Yet somehow it was OK for her to complain all the time.) And because of all that was "wrong" with me, she was going to have to seriously re-evaluate our friendship.

I now realize that she takes almost everything the wrong way, but at the time it really hurt. I attempted to defend myself, which only led to more bashing from her. I sent off one last message in attempt to clear things up, and apologized if she took what I'd said the wrong way because it was only meant to be helpful. I also let her know that I would not respond anymore if she kept attacking me, because I wasn't going to keep that unhealthy cycle going.

I received yet another message berating me, so I kept my word. I did not respond to her. I deleted all of the messages so I wouldn't have to stress out over it anymore. I also blocked her on social media sites, which is where she was attacking me. I knew it wasn't going to stop, because she can never let anything go. I do know her in real life but don't see her often.

The point of this is - do we expect each of our friends to be perfect? Or do we even expect ourselves to be perfect? We are all human, so none of us are going to be. There is only One who is perfect. And He is always here to help us through our imperfections. Trying to stay positive in this world is essential, or else we'd all lose our minds. Being positive doesn't mean we won't have our human moments or bad days...it means that we will not let the rotten stuff keep us down and we strive to make things better. It means if we fall, we pick ourselves back up instead of wallowing in self-pity. It's just like our fitness efforts: do not beat yourself up for not being perfect....just move on and work harder!

A lot of comtemplation and prayer took place before I wrote this post. I believe God wants me to help others in this type of situation so they know they are loved, should not take abuse from others, and should stand up for themselves if necessary. God always finds a way to send me a message - through a song, quote, or thoughtful post from others. Yesterday was no exception. Just at the moment I was feeling my lowest, I saw one message about pressing on and staying the course while keeping our integrity. Then a little later I saw one that really resonated...about using the irritations from others and in life to polish us and make us better people. I immediately felt better and knew I'd done the right thing.

I pray that my post here helps you in some way as well. God uses all of us to help each other. That means even the people who try discourage you or tear you down. Don't let them get to you or stop you from being who you are meant to be. Even though we're not perfect, picking ourselves up and staying as positive as possible goes a long way.

Speaking Sleepinese

The other morning, my still tired son got up for school and began to eat his breakfast. As he tried to ask me a question, he said something that made absolutely no sense. I repeated back what he said to me, which made him snap out of it and laugh...asking, "Did I really say that?" Itold him yes, and on the spur of the moment I said he must be speaking another language, which I dubbed "sleepinese". That only made him laugh harder.

As I've thought about my new word since then, I began to realize that many of us speak some form of sleepinese, even if we are wide awake. We continue to say the same things over and over to ourselves...things that make us think that we can't change our lives for the better and that we're stuck in the same place we've always been. We run on autopilot, doing what we've always done because it's all we know, and it's our comfort zone. It feels so much easier to sleepwalk through our lives and speak those words of mediocrity or defeat. We tell ourselves that it would take too much effort to change, we're too old now, or where we are right now is OK...even if deep down we are really sick of being stuck where we are and tired of being unhealthy.

Just as actual sleepwalking can be dangerous, so can speaking sleepinese and continuing in our life ruts. We need to step out in faith, speaking words of health, life, and empowerment. We must ask God for his help...not just praying our usual words without really listening to what we say to Him, but truly speaking to God from our souls and listening for His answers. When you catch yourself saying those words of sleepinese, change them immediately. Ask God lead you to the words that will get you on the path to living a full life, and the courage to put those words into action.

No more sleepwalking through life...it's time to shine, just the way God made us to do!

Life Lessons...From My Cousin John

This has been a rough week...my wonderful cousin John passed away a few days ago, and we had his memorial service last night. He was only 58, but he left behind a lot of amazing memories and a gift of life lessons to all of us. Here are a few that hit home with me:

Do what you're passionate about. John always followed his passions...computers, technology, and science fiction were the main three, and he always gave his all to everything he did. He also loved playing blackjack and went to Las Vegas, Reno, and Atlantic City every chance he got to play as often as time and money would allow. If you love doing something, go do it. Make the most of every moment you have on this earth.

Take care of your health. Unfortunately, John gives us this lesson because he did not take care of his own health very well. He was severely overweight and diabetic, and although at times he tried to take control he didn't stay with it. I firmly believe that he would still be with us if he had taken better care of himself. Do everything you can to get fit and healthy, so you can be around for a long time...to live your dreams and spend more time with your loved ones.

Family is important; don't let too much time go by. This is another lesson learned the hard way. At John's memorial service, there were some cousins, aunts, and friends of the family that I hadn't seen in years. Some of my cousins' children are already grown up and we all missed out on a lot of time together. We are working on keeping in touch much better...we want to start making the time for each other so we don't only see each other at funerals. As with John, we don't have unlimited time on earth so we need to find the time in our busy schedules to spend time together. Call that relative that you haven't talked to in a long time...or stop by to see them. Don't wait!

Now that John is in heaven, we need to remember these lessons and make the most of them. Rest in peace my dear cousin....and as my cousin Tom said yesterday about his brother, "Warp speed...into the new world."

My 200th Post...Dedicated to Dance!!!

This is a milestone post for me...it is number 200, and I've come a long way on my journey since my first entry in this blog. I've had my ups and downs, learned many important lessons along the way, and I've grown as a person through it all.

I decided to dedicate this post to one of my biggest passions...DANCE. It seems only fitting since tonight is the season finale for So You Think You Can Dance, and this season is the one that has most inspired me to date. It's been hard to see dancers go home, either because of being voted off or injury, because every single one of the Top 11 has something special about them that made it hard to say goodbye each week. From all of the moving performances to Alex Wong's classy and grateful exit after injury, I learned something about the dancers, choreographers and myself along the way.

As you know I have the pleasure of writing about SYTYCD for Ballroom Dance Channel, which affords me the honor of getting to dig deeper into what makes everyone on the show tick...from host Cat Deeley, to the judges, choreographers, and dancers. The show has been instrumental in my personal growth, as only the art of dance and the human spirit can do. Any of the 3 finalists will make a great champion, and I will be thrilled for whoever wins the title of America's Favorite Dancer tonight. Kent and Lauren are awesome...but my favorite is Robert Roldan for so many reasons. I can completely relate to his journey of growth on the show, maturing as a dancer and a person. Even when he seemed to get knocked down, he only learned from it and came back stronger. Those of you who have read my previous posts also know about the things I went through with my mom, and my cousin as well. Robert's story with his mom is, in a way, my story in many respects. He has also been an amazing partner and friend to everyone he has danced with on the show, with no trace of ego...and I love all aspects of his personality, which in turn give him the most versatilty as a dancer. His technique is amazing, because he works so hard at it. His journey on the show will forever be etched in my mind, helping me with my own lessons in life.

Good luck to all 3 dancers tonight...all of you are incredible and deserve your place in the finals. I'm hoping Robert wins...but congratulations to whoever it is, I know you will make everyone proud. Now as for the rest of us...let's get up and dance!

In Memory of Carla...

It's been a week since my friend Carla passed away...but I didn't know about it until Sunday. You see, I hadn't talked to her in a few years. I used to see her all the time when I was an office manager at my old job, but it's been 5 years since I worked there. I saw her a few times at first after I left the office, but then we all got busy with life and other things and it was way too long.

She had lung cancer, and by the time she found out it was too late for the treatments to work. She found out in June and passed away last week. She was only 50 years old and leaves behind a wonderful family, including an adorable little granddaughter. By the time I found out, I wasn't even able to attend her funeral and see her one last time...but I've been thinking about her ever since. I remember the times we were at events together and when she helped us run the bowling tournaments, and it makes me laugh when I think about all of the places we visited together as part of the group that went to the convention every March. Carla had the best sense of humor, and she was one of the kindest people I ever met. We had so much fun togther, and I wish all that time hadn't gone by without seeing her. I especially wish I'd known about her cancer so I could visit her while she was still alive.

Carla's death has only driven this point home further for me...do not waste your time here on earth. None of us know exactly how long we will be here, so we have to make the most of it. Although Carla should have taken better care of herself (she was a heavy smoker), she definitely lived the time she had to the fullest. Don't take time with your family and friends for granted, enjoy every single moment. This also reminds me...I heard Brad Paisley's song "Letter to Me" yesterday, and the line "Go and hug Aunt Rita every chance you can" really hit me. I haven't visited MY Aunt Rita in quite a while, and I need to go see her while it's still possible. Please my friends, don't dwell on the superficial things in life...live out what really matters!

Pull Away From The Dock And Set Sail!

Do you ever feel like you just need to retreat from the world? Do you stay in your house and hole up in your room, dreaming and wishing for a better life?

A lot of us do this or have done it in the past, while also possibly filling up on junk food or watching endless television to pass the time so we don't have to think about our feelings. Going into this dream mode on occasion is good for us. Sometimes it leads to figuring out what we want to do with our lives or how to deal with a sticky situation. The problem comes when we do this all the time. If this is what you do day after day, you are only numbing yourself...you are not really living.

I speak from experience. I've had periods of time in my life when I stared at the screen and ate candy or ice cream to make myself feel better. Most of the time I barely tasted the food, I just ate it as fast as I could, trying to fill up an empty hole inside of me. I didn't go out of the house very often to do anything. I felt like I couldn't go out and do certain things until I reached my "dream weight". It took a long time, but I finally discovered that food was not going to fill that hole, and neither was TV. I needed to work through my emotions and figure out what I needed to do to make my life better. I started by being conscious of what I was putting into my mouth, and now when I do decide to have a sweet treat I concentrate on actually tasting and enjoying it. I find that when I'm actually present while eating, I no longer feel the need to go overboard with food because I'm enjoying the portion that I have.

Also, when I do my thinking and dreaming now, I make it a constructive time. During this time I get ideas for my writing and set plans in motion to get things done. It's no longer just wishful thinking...I use my thoughts to propel my life forward instead of just dreaming it away. You do have to stop and think about where you're headed sometimes, but you also have to balance that with actually DOING. And I no longer feel that I have to be a certain weight or size to get out and do stuff. What joy and freedom there is in this!

Here is my advice for anyone who is still out there sitting around and letting life pass them by: Take the time to think through what you want to do with your life. Write down the things you are good at, and also those things that you've always wanted to try but haven't yet. Make a plan around this list, and get out there and try something new. Figure out the first steps that you need to make something happen and then GO DO IT. Get off the couch or out of bed and start actually living. Those first steps will lead to further steps and before you know it, you will be enjoying your life. Just like a ship is not meant to stay tied to the dock, you are not meant to stay attached to your sofa. Unhitch yourself now and set sail on a fulfilling life!

Stop Calling In Fat To Life! (the wrong way)

***The above photo courtesy of the Junonia Plus-Size catalog.


I read an awesome blog yesterday from Marissa Jaret Winokur. She is keeping a weight loss blog for People Magazine: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20300257,00.html . In the latest installment she talks about calling in fat, like you would call in sick to work. She mainly focuses on the fact that she took a little vacation, where she didn't count calories, went to the beach and just enjoyed the time with her husband and son. She also skipped writing her blog for a week. This version of calling in fat is something that makes sense to me...Marissa's been working hard, and needed a vacation to just relax and enjoy. We all do that from time to time, whether we are size 2 or higher!

She did also touch on the other way we all call in fat. We skip parties and events because we feel too fat to make an appearance. I can say I have done this, more often than I would even like to admit. Marissa got me thinking about the times I have decided not to go somewhere because I felt like people would be staring at my size or make comments. Sometimes I even skipped an event because I thought I would overindulge on all of the good food that was going to be served there. The problem was, I would always feel depressed that I was missing out on the fun, and then eat junk anyway to make myself feel better. Then I'd have to call in fat to another event, and the cycle continued.

I have decided that I will not call in fat to my life anymore! I will attend those parties and just enjoy myself. I'm learning how to control myself around the food, so that is not a problem now. Life doesn't start once you become a certain size...you are living it NOW!!!

I play tennis, dance, go to the pool or the beach, and do whatever I wish, at the size I am now. As I continue losing weight, the size of my clothes is becoming smaller, but I am going to enjoy and live life no matter what.

So calling in fat to take a little vacation is OK, as long as you get back to business once you come back. But don't skip having fun in life because of your size...go out there and just live!!!

Don't Wait!!!

Today I want to discuss something I have struggled with in the past, and still do from time to time. I'm sure many of you deal with this issue as well, and I think it really needs to be addressed. This matter requires our attention.

The issue I am speaking of is body image. We need to love ourselves as we are right now in order to move forward with anything else we want to accomplish in life. I know there are those who don't understand how that can help you motivate yourself to lose weight. After all, if you love yourself as you are, what reason do you have to change your life?

It sounds like a paradox, I know. I've discovered that it actually gets me in a better frame of mind to want to treat my body better. If I love myself and realize that God created me the way I am for a reason, I also start thinking about how eating junk does not honor God's creation. Would you disrespect any of His other creatures? No...but we all are guilty at some point of disrespecting our own bodies by eating unhealthy foods and not getting regular exercise. God has a plan for each of us, and we will be better able to do His will if we are doing all we can to be healthy.

We are all works in progress, and that is just the way He planned it. God loves us no matter where we are in life or what size we wear. I took a plus-size modeling class a few years ago, and it made a positive impact on my life. It made me see that the more I showed myself the love, the more other people were drawn to me. It did not matter if I was made up to do a photo shoot or if I was at the grocery store in sweats with no makeup. The way I carried myself made the difference. Confidence is the world's best cosmetic!

I also want to mention something very important in all of this: do NOT wait to do the things you want to do until you get to what you think is "the perfect weight". I know I've wasted a lot of time thinking that way when I could have been enjoying life and getting things done. No matter your size, if you want to dance, play tennis, sing, join a book club, or do anything you may be passionate about...do it, and DO IT NOW! Life is meant to be lived every single day, never take that for granted.

So please come to terms with where you are now and you will discover that you are beautiful just as you are. At the same time pick up on healthy habits so you can honor yourself and respect God's creativity in you. He can accomplish so much more in us and with us if we take care of ourselves so we have the energy to do what He has planned for us on earth!