Being The Plus-Sized Friend

Over Labor Day Weekend, we had our annual reunion BBQ with my husband's classmates and their families. Even though I didn't go to school with any of them, we've all become close friends over the years. We all accept each other for who we are and appreciate not only what we have in common but also the differences which make each of us unique. It's amazing what we all learn when we get together!

That being said, there is still one thing that always winds up on my mind, no matter how hard I try to push it away. I am the only plus-sized woman at our get-togethers. Nobody ever makes me feel any different, but it is a fact that I'm the thickest female in the room (or on the patio). I have lost weight, but I'm still a long way from my goal and the contrast presented to me in photos hits me hard.

Besides the photos, other little things remind me that I've still got a lot of work to do. Without exception, each of my female friends made some derrogatory comment about themselves and their own figures. Comments about never fitting into a certain size again, wanting flat stomachs back, and supposedly looking like an expectant mom were the ones that came up most often. I jokingly said that I was going to smack all of them. Every single one of them has an awesome figure...figures that right now are a long way from where I am. I would be extremely happy to have any of their shapes.

Now, I do get where they're coming from. Most women who have had kids still long for the bodies they had in high school, and if they were always used to being a size 4 or 6 and now they're a size up from that they feel different and want to go back to that size. The tummies that carried babies are not the same as they were before, but none of my friends look pregnant or fat in any way, shape or form. I also know that when they say these things they're not directed at me - they are only speaking out loud what their own subconcious minds keep telling them. Even though none of them would ever speak this way about me or each other, they do it to themselves...and it does still affect me even if they don't realize it. Even worse, what they say to themselves affects THEM.

I will say that seeing my friends in great shape does motivate me to kick it up an extra notch for myself. I will conquer my demons. I know I can and will move past the "plus-sized friend" feelings that plague me, but I also want all of my friends to know that they should stop being so tough on themselves, appreciate what they have, and realize they are all beautiful right now...just as they are!

Love Your Workout - At Your Current Size!!!

We all look forward to the day when we can go for a run or a bike ride at our goal weight. We imagine ourselves strong and healthy, turning heads and inspiring others to get fit. We know how proud we will be when we reach that milestone.

But I have a question for you. Why should we wait until then to be proud of ourselves? It doesn't do you any good to shut yourself indoors, relegating all workouts to the treadmill or exercise DVDs. When the weather is nice and you feel like walking through your neighborhood, playing tennis, or going for a swim, you have every right to do that - at whatever size you currently wear. Running outdoors is not only for perfectly fit people. (If it was, there would certainly be a small minority out there on the trails!) If you stay inside, you will get bored. If you get bored, you won't want to work out. And if you stop working out, you are right back to Square One.

You may be afraid of someone saying cruel things to or about you as you stroll by. There are some of those people out there, but don't let their small-mindedness stop you from achieving your goals and enjoying life. For every idiot that makes nasty remarks, there are two people who admire you as you show how you are taking control of your life and are happy to see others working on their health. As you become more fit, the jerks will be left speechless!

If you are worried about finding workout clothes in your current size, there are companies who make the items that fit your needs. Check out websites like Junonia and Swimsuits For All, who carry plus sized workout gear, sports bras, swimsuits, tennis clothing, and more. There is no reason to sit at home when clothing is available for maximum comfort and movement, and you can enjoy the same sports your fitter friends do!

One last note: You may be trying out for a show such as Biggest Loser or Dance Your Ass Off, but don't wait for that casting director to call you before you start your journey. Only a small percentage of people make it onto these shows, so you should get out there and start living life now. Why waste time sitting by the phone? Live every moment of your life starting right now!!!

By The Grace of God...I Stopped In Time

This is something a lot of you may not know about me, but it's time I told you. I was once on my way to developing a serious eating disorder. You probably would never have known it by looking at me, but I took on a lot of bad habits...all in the quest for thinness.



It started after I graduated from high school. I decided to lose weight, being that I was 5'4" and 188 pounds. I was so tired of being the "fat" girl. I started exercising, my mom and I worked on healthier meals, and I lost 65 pounds along the way. I could fit into the more stylish clothes and shop at the stores my friends went to. Everyone complimented me on my svelte new figure. End of story, right? Not a chance.



The problem was...while I started out doing things the healthy way, somewhere on that journey I became obsessed with the number on the scale and how I looked in the mirror. If I lost weight all was right with the world, but if I gained a little or stayed the same it felt like nothing was right in my life. I started eating very little...I was never down to just eating lettuce but I subsisted on 800 calories or less a day. One day I happened to have 1300 calories and was scared that I ate too much. I exercised in the mornings for half an hour before work, and then every evening I would work out some more, for at least an hour but sometimes more than 2 hours. There were a lot of times I passed up chances to go out and have fun, becaue I HAD to get all of that exercise in. When I did go out and enjoy myself, if I saw a couple of pounds creep back on (and of course I had to weigh myself the morning after a night out because I was anxious) I would eat even less. For a while I started having just popcorn for dinner, because I read in a magazine that one of my favorite athletes did that whenever he needed to get his weight back down. I would always tell my parents that I just wasn't that hungry yet and would eat something else a little later. They believed me and figured that since I never really looked overly thin, I must have been just eating on a different schedule.



This all kept up until I met the boyfriend who is now my husband. When we started going out, I would just keep up the old pattern of popcorn for dinner after indulging. Pretty soon I was seeing that even though I was at what is considered "ideal" for my height at 123 pounds, it was hard to keep it there naturally. I always felt I needed to go to extremes to stay there. When a few pounds came back on, I was upset and did something I never thought I'd do. I started using laxatives. I began with the most popular brand, pretending that I was eating a piece of chocolate candy. I would take it first thing on Monday morning, and by noon I was in the restroom eliminating everything I had eaten. Soon once a week wasn't enough, and I was up to using it three times a week. When my body started to feel weird, I switched to what was the supposedly kinder, gentler laxative for women. It helped a little, but it wasn't really that much "gentler". I felt weak a lot of times, but still kept up my exercise schedule as much as I could.

Nobody really knew about the laxatives, because I was very secreative about it. I would walk up to the 7-Eleven on the corner during a work break, buy the laxatives, and hide them in my purse. I would always buy something else like a snack or magazine as well, so it wouldn't look like I went to the store and came back with nothing. If anyone suspected, they didn't say anything to me about it. I was pretty careful, so I think most of them didn't even think twice.

After about 4 1/2 months of using laxatives, I strating reading articles and seeing shows about girls who had problems with anorexia and bulimia. I am forever thankful to God that I was scared enough at that point to quit on my own without intervention. No more laxatives...and I started eating more normally. I was still unhappy about the number on the scale going up, especially when a lot of people would comment that I was putting on weight. I was just no longer willing to use these tactics to keep my weight down.

As you can see from my Diets That Didn't Work series, I still tried several different methods to lose the weight again. When they didn't work, I would get depressed and go to the other extreme of binging. This caused my weight to go up further, and I latched onto the promise of extreme weight loss that Biggest Loser shows on TV. NOT GOOD...even though I have adopted healthier habits, that show made me start those old thinking patterns again...that you need to exercise for several hours a day and that you've failed if you don't lose at least 10 pounds every week. I am also grateful to God that He got me away from that before I started acting on those thoughts.

While I still would like to lose some weight, it's going to come off the healthy way...no extremes. My body will settle at the weight it's supposed to be through sensible eating and exercising, with everything in balance. I love myself for who I am right now, and I always will no matter what. I no longer wish for that "magic" number of 123 on the scale. I am living my life more now than I ever did at that number, because I was always so worried about staying there. Now I actually live and enjoy each moment, which is how it's supposed to be. I am more than a number on a scale...and now I really feel alive!

A Huge Spirit Quest

Tonight's episode of Huge explores spirituality...in several different ways. Starting with Dr. Rand reading from the Bible for a church service, the characters really start thinking about this important part of life. Will and Ian are outside while the service is going on. Will says she's just not religious, but Ian goes to a different service because he's Jewish, and he tells her how important his faith is to him.

Dr. Rand speaks to George to tell him that Shay was called away on a family emergency, so she's putting George in charge of the Spirit Quest. He's pretty nervous about the whole thing, but Shay recommended him because she has faith in him...and his grandfather is part Native American. Poppy is upset and very jealous that George got picked, because she's been with the camp longer. She remembers Dr. Rand leading her on this expedition when she was a teen. George tells Poppy it's hard to believe that she was ever overweight...but the look in her eyes tells us that she herself will never forget.

As they start the Spirit Quest with a hike, George is looking through all of the pages of instructions that Dr. Rand printed off for him. Amber accidentally bumps him and the papers land in the stream. Poppy takes this as a sign that they should just be guided from within on this journey. Poppy assigns each camper a buddy...someone they wouldn't usually pair up with, to get them out of their comfort zones. Becca and Chloe are put together, and Becca flashes back to the year before when she and Chloe were best friends, and Chloe was much heavier. Will and Amber get paired up, and so do Alistair and Trent. None of them are too happy about the arrangement. Poppy tells them to pay attention to their dreams as they sleep that night in their tents, and in the morning Ian tells Will he had a dream about her. She is very excited...until she hears what it was. He says she was holding a pitcher of milk, the "milk of human kindness". He wanted some, but she wouldn't share with him. Will probably doesn't realize what this dream means yet...but Ian would probably like her to share more about herself with him, and with the others.

Poppy has Becca help explain what the Spirit Quest is about, since she did it last year. Then Poppy tells everyone to choose a new name for themselves, to reflect the truth about them. George is uncomfortable with all of this and sends everyone off to look for firewood. Becca and Chloe actually start to joke around about last summer's activities, and Becca sees a glimpse of the old Chloe. George and Poppy argue about how to handle the quest, and she tells him to call his grandfather to tell him what to do. He finds out when he calls that his grandfather died, and it really gets to him. His mom tells him all kinds of things that he never knew about him, which helps him understand things better. Poppy apologizes for how she acted as well. George wants to leave, but Poppy starts getting him to read the guide book for help.

The next day is a trust exercise between buddies. One is blindfolded while the other must guide him or her around the camping area. Will is really bad at giving Amber directions, causing her to bump into everything. They fight and Amber takes off to go the the bathroom. Poppy makes Will stay with her. They wind up getting lost, and Amber pulls out a compass. Will knows that Amber broke their compass and wonders where this one came from. Amber says Ian gave it to her...which makes Will even angrier and more jealous. She tosses the compass away and says they can find their way back without it. Of course, they only wind up more lost than they already were. At one point they come upon the diner at the main road. The woman inside tells them it's closed and sends them back outside. (Nice lady, huh? Geez!) Amber decides to go back the way they came, but Will stays in front of the diner. She digs through the dumpster for a doughnut, but after wrestling with herself for a while she throws it back in the garbage.

Everyone is worried about Will and Amber back at camp. George goes to look for them while Poppy tries to keep the kids calm. When George sees Amber, she's so happy to be found that she gives him a quick kiss. George then leans in and gives her a much more romantic kiss. They go pick up Will and all head back to the tents. Poppy begins to call Dr. Rand, but as she starts talking on the phone the three appear before her, so she just tells Dr. R that everything is going great.

Alistair and Trent wind up bonding, and Alistair tells Trent that Chloe is his twin sister...but she is too embarrassed by him and doesn't want anyone to know. Trent is shocked, but keeps the secret when he goes to Chloe's tent. (Alistair tells him Chloe is afraid of the dark.) They kiss and fall asleep together, thinking Becca is asleep when she is still awake and hears everything going on. In the morning when everyone packs up, Chloe runs to Amber and ignores Becca once again. Will sees how hurt she is and helps her pack her things.

What is your opinion of the characters? Do you know anyone like them, who have been through similar situations? And what do you think of the Spirit Quest...I myself would love to go on one, to enhance what God is already having me learn, about myself and others. And out of curiosity, what would your Spirit Name be?

Not Just on National Dance Day...EVERYDAY!!!

Saturday was National Dance Day...what did you do to celebrate? My son and I danced along to the Hairspray movie, to honor the fact that size, race, and other factors do not matter in dancing. It's for everyone, in whatever style you prefer. I also pulled out one of my new dance DVD's and started learning the moves, because I can't get enough dancing!

Dancing itself is a celebration of life. It lets you show your joys, and helps you work through your sorrows and other tricky emotions. There is nothing that you cannot express through dance. As a writer I use words to express myself, but there are time when words alone fail to capture how I feel. When I dance, I come alive and live completely in the moment. When I watch others dance, the beauty and honesty they portray pulses through me and takes me through even more emotions. It is a moving and cleansing experience...one I could never live without.

Check out the amazing dancers of So You Think You Can Dance, and you will never be the same. Every week is a new and exciting experience; make sure you have plenty of kleenex on hand. And don't be afraid to get up and move yourself...watch Dance Your Ass Off and be inspired by people of all sizes who learn new dances every week and totally rock it! Dancing is not just for one day a year...dance every day!!!

What Helps You Avoid a Binge?

Let's face it...people of all shapes and sizes binge at times. The stereotype is that plus-sized men and women are the ones who drown their sorrows in ice cream, fast food, chips, and pizza. The reality proves, that binging is not limited to those above a certain size. Anyone who breaks up with his or her significant other, loses a job, or has to deal with a family member's illness can be prone to bouts of binge eating. The tragedies and stresses of life do not only happen if you wear a double-digit size. In fact, the slender binge eaters are less likely to think it's a problem, since the results don't always show up on their hips because of their metabolism.

It is not good for you to binge, no matter your size. Just because you are thin doesn't mean that you aren't stressing your body with these food fests, and on the other hand just because your natural body size doesn't allow you to fit into a size 6 dress doesn't mean it's OK for you to eat unlimited quantities of food at a sitting. It messes with your metabolism and other bodily functions, and too much sugar, salt, or anything is not healthy for your body. Moderation is the way to go in all things.

Now, what if you usually use food to cope with stress? What can you do instead to deal with it in a healthier way? Find something non-food related...go for a walk, go dancing, read, or talk to a friend. Something that always works for me is writing it all out. I write poems and songs, or find a way for one of my characters to work out stress on paper. You can also write it down...even if you don't write for a living like I do, start a journal and write your feelings in it. It doesn't have to be something for anyone to read except you, unless you wish to share it. That way you can say whatever you want and get it all out without worrying that you will offend someone. Once it's all on paper you will feel better and probably won't feel like eating the junk anymore. Writing it down may also help you find a solution to your problem or find a new way to deal with old hurts.

Think before you grab that food and start digging in. You are a wonderful person and worth treating your body well. If you have techniques to help you deal with stress that work for you, please share them here. Size does not matter...but health does. Find a way to do what's right for your body and treat it well. You deserve it!

Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming

Call me unusual or unique...but I've always liked putting on a swimsuit. I've been up and down the size chart, anywhere from 8 to 18. It never mattered how much I weighed, I've always been happy with any opportunity to get in the water, whether it be a pool or the beach.

I don't know why I'm that way. I've certainly had my insecurities on other occasions, ones where I'm wearing much more clothing. Other women feel comfortable when going anywhere else, but have panic attacks when they need a swimsuit. They're not even at the beach yet...they freak out when they are alone in the dressing room trying them on. And these woman are from all walks of life and different sizes. A lot of women who are on the covers of magazine, or look like they could be, still hate bathing suits.

Whatever the reason, I'm glad that it doesn't bother me. I think about all of the times that I would have missed out on the fun if I had refused to go out in a swimsuit. Even though I haven't learned how to swim yet, I still enjoy exercising in the pool and cooling off. Swim lessons will be coming shortly, so I can enjoy myself to the fullest and get over the fear. We got pool passes for this summer, and I'm loving every minute of it. I walk around the pool proudly, without a T-shirt covering me, and without a towel or sarong wrapped around me. There are women of all shapes and sizes at the pool, and we are all there to have fun. I spotted a lady about my size today wearing the most adorable suit with cherries all over it. I had to find out where she got it. She was so happy when I told her that she looked beautiful in it, and gladly told me her suit came from Pinup Girl Clothing (www.pinupgirlclothing.com). After I got home I checked out their site, and they have really beautiful and sexy swimsuits, plus other gorgeous clothing. I didn't order the suit yet, but I hope to soon. (My husband just got a job after having been laid off for over a year...so money's still tight, but I will get that suit yet!) I know I will order other items from them too when I'm ready.

So remember, most people are way too caught up in their own insecurities to be worried about how you look in your swimsuit. They are too busy judging themselves. Pick out a rockin' suit, put in on, and flaunt what you've got. This is one awesome way to live huge...have fun in the water!!!

I'm A Size Active!

I've probably mentioned this company before, but it's definitely worth repeating. Junonia makes sportswear and activewear for women, starting at size 14 and going up to 6X. Look for them at www.junonia.com. Their clothing is very high quality and will stand up to the wear and tear of whatever sport you like to participate in. They also carry sports bras in larger sizes that actually give you the support you need. I can still remember Dolly Parton saying that if she went jogging, she'd have two black eyes...and I know exactly what she means! I've tried sports bras that offer no support whatsoever, even those that claim to give good support. With Junonia's bras, you will be comfortable and have the right amount of support.

Do not ever let your size stop you from swimming, playing tennis, or performing any activities that you enjoy. Sports are not just for slender people...they are for everyone! I know in the past it's been a problem to find the correct clothes in certain sizes, and that made it harder to participate. Since Junonia makes those garments, there is no excuse not to play those sports you love. I will also be on the lookout for other companies that offer plus size sportswear as well, and pass the information along to you. Live life NOW...don't wait!!!

HUGE Inspiration

Have you seen the commercials for this new show on ABC Family? I was intrigued the minute I saw the first one, which wasn't even on TV...I took my son to the movies to see Marmaduke and one of the many previews was an advertisement for HUGE. The day after we went to the movies, I started seeing the ads on television regularly. The more I saw it, the more I liked the idea. HUGE is set at a weight loss camp, and follows several teens and the staff as they discover who they are and how to really live life. Most of us will really be able to relate to the characters...I myself was an "overweight" teenager, and I really wish there had been a show like this when I was growing up. No matter what size any of us are, from size 0 all the way up to 20 and beyond, we all have struggled or currently struggle with our self image and self esteem issues. Even those who wear single digit sizes stress and obsess over how they look.

Speaking of sizes...did you know that the clothing and modeling industry consider anyone over a size 8 to be in the plus size category? I learned that a few years ago when I took modeling classes. Our entire class was learning how to be plus size models, and some of us wondered why there were two rather slender ladies there. That's when we found out that both of these women were size 10's, and that's considered plus size. Are you kidding me? No wonder everyone's self esteem is shot!

The show stars Nikki Blonsky, who played Tracey in the latest movie version of Hairspray. Also in the cast is Hayley Hasselhoff (yes, David's daughter!) and I got to see an interview with her last night on Access Hollywood. This girl has a great head on her shoulders, and she has a healthy self image even after hanging around the Baywatch set as a kid. Now that's a strong young lady! We even saw part of her regular workout, and her body is as strong as her mind. She knows she will never be a size 2, and she's perfectly OK with that. This is the kind of role model that young girls should look up to!

I really can't wait to see the HUGE premiere on Monday night at 9 PM. Right now I love going over to their website at http://abcfamily.go.com/shows/huge and checking everything out. They give you tips on how to take care of yourself by eating healthy and getting exercise, without stressing out about the scale. I'm really impressed by all of the resources on this site. You can also like HUGE on Facebook (I still miss "becoming a fan" LOL) and follow them on Twitter @ABCFhuge. Please check out the site and let me know what you think!